Intimate Interviews Part II
Last year, during our stay in Hallein, Austria, on the occasion of Schmiede19: better, we had the pleasure of interviewing lovely and talented people about everything that occupies us in our work. For this, we first pampered our interviewees with a bodywork session of their choice, so that we could start a conversation with each other so well perfused.
Many questions we had prepared and they keep coming up, others arose spontaneously. So the conversations usually started with a free association on the topic of "sex" - just say what comes to mind first without thinking. And towards the end, it was usually about which workshops on creative intimacy they would specifically like to see. What emerged between us and was put into words are gold pieces for me!
Here follows the first transcribed interview!
"Penis, bubbles, mucus, trust, childhood, blocks, constraints, freedom, relationships, society, security, a shadow, a friend, a confidant, black, slippery, varnish, shoes, shame, trying it out, this feeling on the fingers, letting go, waves, strength, flesh, feelings, close your eyes, shut up, no flower sex - so busty sex, romance and provocation, counter-movement, grandparents, parents having sex from behind, disorder, genital warts, AIDS, condoms, firm partnership, it's all - it's not just to do with sex what I'm talking about here, masturbation, sex withdrawal, sex liberation, so liberation from sex and transformation through withdrawal, rethinking, puberty, childhood, starting all over again, second chance."
... these blossoms, plants... if you get a nice biology book where there are pictures of plants and the pistils and all that, it's like porn, pretty cool; and nature in general.
Do you have a libidinous approach to your artistic-craft work?
In my work, the sexual aspect is more about coping with stress. I have to satisfy myself, but it's rather aggressive, it's not something I want to do out of passion; I've been under pressure and it has to go away very quickly.
One is the act, which already works in itself, I don't need a product at the end, I had a good time on the way with these waves and frequencies. The other is my work, where I first have to go down the path to achieve a result that really satisfies me. I'm constantly jumping over my shadow to get that. Because no one gives me the idea. I have to do that, the thing I create. The way it comes out and then I like to accept the art the way it comes out. I am the tool and I realise it. I find it fascinating that I did that. It's like a friend in your brain that stays with you for days and weeks. It's somehow something florid that was created out of nothing. With the product at the end, I can prove to myself that what I have in my head is not a lie. Nobody else does that. In the past, people always thought: everything in the world already exists - but that's not true! And that inhibits you so much; when you also see what everyone else is doing. It doesn't matter at all! Because: I have my light and that builds the world around me. Then I realise something and the result is the satisfying one. But the path is work. I have to go through it. That's not sexual excitement, that's aggression, which I compensate with sexuality and which is also linked to sexuality.
It goes even further that I've always read such brutal stories about serial killers and then I always had to satisfy myself, I sometimes found it funny and went for it, even though I didn't want to... that's a bit strange for me. Although I can imagine that sexuality and aggression belong together in themselves...
When you are at an art festival, like here, are these also sexual spaces for you or rather not?
Subliminally, yes. When I am with myself, resting in myself, in my centre, then sexuality is generally there somewhere, because the surge and the blood and the warmth and the loyalty to oneself also has something to do with sex. So if I manage to enter into my cosmos here - and that actually works quite well - then it can also be sexual, the space. But that also happens in conversations with people, that they hit a nerve again, where I say: "Hpfgh! You must be sent by God!" Yesterday, for example, the conversations, it's all so... I mean, it's full moon, everyone here knows that too! Yeah, it goes through and through. Although, over there right now, for example, it's not sexual for me at all, because there are so many people and that turns me off completely. I have to go away to develop sexually or I need someone to be with under a bell and then I don't care about the others. But I need a fixed point, I'm more of a dialogue person.
What do you want to experience in your love life?
I would like to experience that what I give is also gladly taken. If I give something, that it is appreciated, that I give it. And if I don't want to give it, I don't have to give it.
I like to have this "apron around" and "I'm in charge" role. But if it's assumed, I really don't want to do it. But if I do it on my own initiative and mean well, then the others appreciate it. Even if it's just for a glass of water.
Besides: I really like sex when people talk in between. And not just this: We're going to have sex now and we're serious about it. We can also look out of the window in between and briefly do nothing again. Or we can just have a quick chat, but there doesn't have to be a lot of banter around it. There are different ways. There's the quick "Let's go here for a moment"... you don't necessarily have to come to a climax, it all depends, maybe a phone rings, it doesn't matter!
I also like to laugh.
Where does your ease and openness with it come from?
Maybe it's that everything I'm told and taught - education, society - I question it and turn it around. And when they say, "You don't talk about that," I talk about it. Maybe that's where that comes from.
Do you sometimes offend others with this or is it more of a relief for others?
Everything. I am then curious and want to know how people react. Sometimes it's also quite clumsy. Just yesterday I was walking through the halls with a guy and a woman and my nipple was so hard and it tickled so much and then I said that and the guy cheered so much and then I did too, but the girl didn't find it funny at all. With men it actually works quite well, but then I have the thought in the back of my mind: "Am I just saying that so that I go down well with men? But I don't know if that's true...
