THE PILLOW BLOG

 

Somatic Disembodiment – Or: How do I figure out what I want (and that it’s actually what I don’t want)? Or: My favorite workshops are the ones that turn workshops upside down
Beate Absalon Beate Absalon

Somatic Disembodiment – Or: How do I figure out what I want (and that it’s actually what I don’t want)? Or: My favorite workshops are the ones that turn workshops upside down

“We’ll begin with a brief meditation in which we reflect on states of mind that are not focused on pleasure and satisfaction. Our aim is to reflect on the nature of desire and ask whether our desire has far more to do with self-denial than with self-fulfillment.”

 

There it is! The note I was looking for…

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On the "tradition" of Tantra massage (OR Eva puts it best)
Rebecca Frances Rebecca Frances

On the "tradition" of Tantra massage (OR Eva puts it best)

When we first launched our retreat “Tantra with a pinch of salt” and posted it on Facebook (because back then, the way to announce you’d started something was to create a Facebook event), a neighbor messaged me saying:
“You know this isn’t real tantra, don’t you?”…

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My First Time
Lumen d'Arc Lumen d'Arc

My First Time

This account was written by a participant following the FLINTA* orgy at Ewaldshof. “I was immediately curious when I heard about it. And of course, I felt a certain amount of hesitation: What will I encounter? What will be expected of me? How open am I really? How much physical intimacy can I even allow with people I don’t know? How much nudity, for that matter? Am I actually totally uptight? Am I slowly getting too old for this kind of thing?”

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I'm sorry about the sex
Lumen d'Arc Lumen d'Arc

I'm sorry about the sex

Pamela Russmann: The myGiulia theme for August is “What a feeling.” What feeling do you associate with sex? Beate Absalon:
In English, I would say “anticipation,” which in German is unfortunately usually translated as “Vorfreude.” But in the English sense of this spellbound state of expectation, both can exist at the same time: joy and fear. And what I like about the word “anticipation” is that it refers to a state that hasn’t happened yet. I associate that with sex, too—this eternal circling around something that somehow can’t quite be grasped.

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Ingestion, Digestion, and Kokoreç
Till Ferneburg Till Ferneburg

Ingestion, Digestion, and Kokoreç

“Trains pulled by steam locomotives moved ceaselessly in and out of the main hall, which served as a vessel for these mighty machines—a kind of mechanical coitus,” says Eva Fàbregas in an interview about the exhibition. Into this industrial monument known as the Hamburger Bahnhof, which the artist envisions as a “giant mouth” or “womb,” she has placed something organic, something amorphous—which is a contradiction, for nothing here is shapeless or formless. The focus on the physical is unmistakable: everywhere, tubers, ball-shaped tubes, and chains of balloons, winding forms in elastic fabric. Construction foam? Pollen? Marshmallows? Like snot and slime, the mustard-yellow, pink, and lilac Lycra sacks hang from the ceiling, winding around steel beams and reaching out at me with nubby tentacles. A museum employee remarks that one visitor is eaten and digested every day.

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"I do wonder: Why do I make people up?"
Lumen d'Arc Lumen d'Arc

"I do wonder: Why do I make people up?"

Jade gently picks up a pink silicone cake mold shaped like a hemisphere of the brain. Inside is a thin white layer, which Jade carefully scrapes out and collects in a small bottle. Then we turn on the microphone and ask what Jade is doing and why :) With this audio series, we’d like to introduce you to people you can learn from when it comes to the question: What do you actually do in a playspace? Because they come with many challenges. How do I connect with people? What should I pack? Should I plan something or just see what happens spontaneously? We were lucky to have Jade…

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Workshop on Sexuality. Part I
Beate Absalon Beate Absalon

Workshop on Sexuality. Part I

Sexuality within a committed relationship works differently than casual hook-up sexuality. This distinction can help you address relationship issues and avoid frustration if you expect things in bed with your spouse after a trip to IKEA to be just as passionate as they are with a mysterious guy you picked up at a jazz bar. Similarly, teenage sexuality works differently than adult sexuality. A distinction that helps you adapt your sex education knowledge to this new phase of life and avoid stress when you expect body parts to become erect and lubricated just as easily as they did when you were…

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Workshop on Sexuality. Part II
Beate Absalon Beate Absalon

Workshop on Sexuality. Part II

We’ll continue our exploration of how workshop sexuality differs from other forms of sexuality. In Part I, we concluded that workshops are structured around a didactic framework, follow a plan, and prescribe certain rules and etiquette. For this reason, the claim that workshops break social norms is only partially true. As is often the case, breaking with norms here does not simply mean a lack of norms, but rather the establishment of a new norm. In our society, for example, it is “normal” in the sense of “common” for sex to be largely nonverbal. And this does not mean the absence of dirty talk, but rather an honest and respectful exchange about what one likes and what one does not. In sex-positive workshops, on the other hand…

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Workshop on Sexuality. Part III
Beate Absalon Beate Absalon

Workshop on Sexuality. Part III

In 2021, the Institute for Cultural Inquiry in Berlin hosted a conference titled “The Workshop—Investigations Into an Artistic-Political Format,” whose content offers wonderfully illuminating insights into the internal logic of sex-positive workshops and their influence on a particular understanding of sexuality. Presentations explored all the wonderful promises of workshop culture: solution-oriented collaboration, the solidarity-based sharing of resources and knowledge, and mind-blowing opportunities for consciousness-expanding experiences through meditation exercises, psychological self-observation techniques, improvisation, or orgy experiments... According to the conference description, workshops are considered “highly adaptable and almost universally applicable…”

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Workshop on Sexuality. Part IV
Beate Absalon Beate Absalon

Workshop on Sexuality. Part IV

The last blog post mentioned the cultural studies conference “The Workshop - Investigations Into an Artistic-Political Format” at ici Berlin, where workshops were also examined for their distinctly artistic and performative aspects. Similarly, sex-positive workshops are a kind of performance or social sculpture that follow choreographies. Many theatrical concepts apply here: a specific form of interaction is rehearsed, skills are practiced, and rituals are performed. This shapes workshop sexuality as an ars erotica. Here, there is no need to…

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Tantric Massage: Decluttering, Recluttering & Beyond – A TWAPOS Experience
Lumen d'Arc Lumen d'Arc

Tantric Massage: Decluttering, Recluttering & Beyond – A TWAPOS Experience

So, here I am now: lying naked in the sun under an apple tree by the pool. Thinking about sex and revolution. All I hear is the wind in the trees and birdsong; occasionally a donkey or a peacock announces its presence. And here comes the happy puppy, enthusiastically biting my nipple—again. This is much nicer than I thought…

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Salt with a Dash of Tantra
Beate Absalon Beate Absalon

Salt with a Dash of Tantra

“It’s like opening Pandora’s box”—that’s how one participant described her experience at our retreat, TANTRA WITH A PINCH OF SALT. The things that come to the surface once you stop taking things for granted. Like when I attended my first Tantra workshops, I just took for granted what the teachers told me… For example, that we were engaging in authentic tantric practices by giving massages. And then, on the first evening of our retreat, we learned in Eva Hanson’s lecture that those massages were actually never part of tantric philosophy or spirituality…

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Calling a Sex-Positive Community, Group, or Event a “Family” – And Why It’s a Red Flag – New Zine by Beata
Beate Absalon Beate Absalon

Calling a Sex-Positive Community, Group, or Event a “Family” – And Why It’s a Red Flag – New Zine by Beata

Over the many years we’ve been visiting or participating in various sex-positive communities, there’s been one word that makes our whole bodies cringe and feel alarmed. It’s “family.” Fa-mi-ly. It’s supposed to sound nice, right? It gives a comforting sense of community. It’s just a harmless way to spread good vibes. To foster camaraderie. To let you know: You’re welcome! You’re one of us! Gooblegubble One of us!…

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But I'm a Creep. A lab report.
Lumen d'Arc Lumen d'Arc

But I'm a Creep. A lab report.

This text is meant to be a warm companion for you before or after attending our workshop: ON CREEPY OLD MXN & BEYOND – & playSPACE, Saturday, December 18, 2021, at serrat(u)s bodywork in Zurich. – – – "How about I follow you around all day tomorrow?" - "But then I would know that... Maybe you could hire someone I don’t know to follow me around in secret like a stalker?” – “Oh, that’s a good idea!” – Two people plot how to get to that feeling that sends cold shivers down your spine. Because something feels off, even if nothing clearly dangerous is happening. They are surrounded by a whole group of people who are compiling some sort of curiosity cabinet of such weird ideas. One person is thinking of designing jewelry out of clipped toenails, while another wants to take up a creepy passion for a private collection: to secretly cut off a lock of hair from each of her lovers and catalog them. One woman kneads pizza dough to put on her face as a grotesque mask, because she was deemed too young and pretty to trigger this specific…

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As many rules as necessary, as few as possible. The pitfalls of deregulated sex-positive spaces with a focus on gender inequality
Lumen d'Arc Lumen d'Arc

As many rules as necessary, as few as possible. The pitfalls of deregulated sex-positive spaces with a focus on gender inequality

We are pleased to have received permission to publish our friend Anna Mense’s text, which was first published in the *Journal of Positive Sexuality*. Abstract: To explain suffering in contemporary romantic relationships, Eva Illouz (2012) examines the consequences of the separation of erotic and romantic encounters from committed relationships such as marriage. While this separation is often hailed as a triumph of free choice and liberal love, Illouz argues that it creates systemic inequalities between male and female agents. The article uses Illouz’s analysis as a starting point and basis for studying deregulated sex-positive spaces with regard to their risk of involuntarily reproducing features of socio-political domination. The discussion is driven by an interest in the question of how options for exploring sexual and romantic relationships can be developed without reproducing the systemic disadvantages of heteronormative culture.

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How exactly do you even play in so-called sex-positive spaces, and is it really just about sex, or is it actually about something else too—but what do you call that?
Beate Absalon Beate Absalon

How exactly do you even play in so-called sex-positive spaces, and is it really just about sex, or is it actually about something else too—but what do you call that?

While walking with a friend, we talk about my perception and experience of the so-called sex-positive spaces - out of her open curiosity, as she has not yet experienced these spaces first-hand. I start by describing a bit of the 'infrastructure': how it all started for me in the first place, how I first stumbled into a workshop by chance at a dance school where ropes and floggers were also used, how I then met Schwelle7 and Matís, whom I told about writing my master's thesis on Shibari and who then recruited me as an assistant for a bondage course in no time at all. Finally, the more difficult part, trying to describe what interests me about the rooms in the first place. I mention the classics that many people in the "scene" report about. How liberating it is to let people...

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Cookie Consent
Beate Absalon Beate Absalon

Cookie Consent

Hey everyone! We’re all working hard to foster a culture of consent by reminding ourselves—in workshops and beyond—that we shouldn’t take physical affection for granted; that we shouldn’t just assume what the other person wants; that we should respect personal boundaries and support one another in discovering, through self-determination and collaborative processes, what naughty things we’d like to get up to together; that we can truly let go and surrender especially when we create safe spaces of trust; that a “no” isn’t a drama but a valuable guide for navigating the love zone, and so on and so forth. This is all a massive project—indeed, a humanistic educational project, if you will—because there is much more at stake here than merely securing oneself legally, contractually speaking, when becoming intimate with someone in order to arm oneself against accusations of assault. Rather, this is about deconstructing paternalistic structures and forging new relationships with oneself and the world! It’s about learning to respect oneself, to respect others…

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Intimate Interviews Part II
Beate Absalon Beate Absalon

Intimate Interviews Part II

Last year, we had the pleasure of interviewing wonderful and talented people about everything that also occupies us in our work. To start things off, we treated our interviewees to a bodywork session of their choice, so we could get the conversation flowing with a good rush of blood. We had prepared many questions, some of which came up repeatedly, while others arose spontaneously. So the conversations usually began with a free association on the topic of “sex”—simply saying whatever first came to mind, without thinking. And toward the end, the focus was mostly on what specific workshops on creative intimacy they would like to see. What emerged between us and was put into words is, to me, pure gold! Here is the second transcribed interview!

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