NOT GIVING A FUCK

ON LACKLUSTRE SEX & SEXLESS DESIRE

A Plea for Non-Sexual Liberation by Beate Absalon

Finally, no more sex!

The pressure to have great sex is everywhere these days. Beate Absalon invites us to shake it off and explore the possibilities of unconventional and inventive pleasure.

Sex can be a source of regret. It could be a refuge for mutual pleasure and carefree whims—but it has become a high-stakes endeavor that must succeed at all costs so that we, too, can be considered successful, even in areas where we’re already doing better from a queer-feminist perspective. 

In her search for relief from stress, Beate Absalon takes a culturally and historically grounded look at the secluded—though only seemingly so—opposite of sexuality: sexual aversion, asexuality, celibacy, and sexual dysfunction, which delightfully refuse to submit to the “duty of sexual service” and open up unprecedented scope for exploration.

HERE >> READ AN EXCERPT

or at your favorite bookstore.

PRESS REVIEWS:

A liberating and wonderfully free-thinking book.

Insa Wilke, WDR 3's "Gutenberg's World" – the literature magazine

Absalon views the growing liberation from “coercive sexuality” as a “gesture of resistance” (...) even though this trend faces the perennial dilemma of all liberation movements: Before you know it, the initial freedom turns into coercion.

Marie-Luise Goldmann: “The End of Sex Has Come” in: Die Welt – >> Read the article

As pleasurable, intense, self-determined, and liberating as possible—that’s the new mantra of sex positivity. In *Not Giving a Fuck*, Beate Absalon calls on readers to break free from this pressure and view sex holistically.

Christine Mayrhofer: “Is That It Again with Sex Positivity?” in: Die Presse – >> Read the article

“Not giving a fuck” can be a revelation, a catalyst for recognizing our compulsively sexual society and questioning it for ourselves. It’s refreshing to read because the book is not only empathetic and free of prejudice, but also connects individual questions to the bigger picture.

Fabian Schäfer: “Why This Plea for Stress-Free Sex Was So Desperately Needed” in: queer.de – >> Read the article

A book that encourages readers to question their own ideas about sex and desire. [...] With direct, often humorous language and a refreshingly honest approach, Absalon turns conventional notions of sexuality on their head and opens up new perspectives on intimacy.

“Why a Little Selfishness Leads to Better Sex” in: GGG.at – >> Read the article

"Not giving a fuck" examines the evolution of today’s prevailing understanding of sex in Western culture, as well as the inextricable entanglement of our sexuality with power dynamics and conventions. It becomes clear that even we queers are not immune to the pressure to have “successful sex”—the kind of sex that’s supposed to be a certain way—even though the author explicitly places her hope in queer and feminist movements, which have often been and continue to be the driving force behind processes of social emancipation. The book is inspiring because readers simply cannot help but reflect on their own patterns and beliefs—both in and out of bed. And because it understands private sex—or the absence thereof—as political as well.

Kitty Hawk: “Fuck the System” in: L.Mag. The Magazine for Lesbians – >> Go to the magazine

Absalon also suggests approaching sex with more relaxation. However, she hasn’t developed any extravagant sex techniques or simplified South Asian philosophies for Westerners. No, Beate Absalon’s suggestion is as simple as it is radical: If it doesn’t work out, then just don’t have sex. Excuse me?! (...) I feel a weight lift off my shoulders. And at the same time, I feel caught out. Because I, too, have almost never allowed myself to admit that I don’t feel like having sex. (...) Why don’t we have a blueprint for how to be intimate with other people without sex?"

Emily Kossak: "Why Sex Doesn't Always Have to Get Better," in: Krautreporter – >> Read the article

In her recently published book *Not Giving a Fuck*, German cultural studies scholar Beate Absalon explores the ubiquity of sex in our society. She is convinced that sex has become a promise of happiness and success, to which a person’s worth and identity are tied.

Nicole Althaus and Thomas Isler: “What’s Sex Like Today?” in: Neue Zürcher Zeitung — >> Read the article

INTERVIEWS:

“Author Beate Absalon on the role of sex in our relationships—and in society”

Interview with Lisa-Marie Yilmaz on: web.de – >> Read the article

"Many young people don't need all this sexual drama"

Interview with Fabian Schäfer in: fluter – >> Read the article

“Kick the pressure to perform sexually out of the bedroom!” Sex is less important than we think—says author Beate Absalon

Interview with Tobias Schmitz in: Stern – >> Read the article

Reasons for Abstinence: Scientist Wants to "De-stress" Sexuality

Interview with Magdalena Thiele by: the Catholic News Agency for the *Westfalen Blatt* – >> Read the article

"Be as prudish as you want": What can you do to overcome extreme inhibitions during sex?

Interview with Joana Nietfeld in: Tagesspiegel – >> Read the article

“We should allow ourselves to fail at sex”

Interview with Alexandra Fitz in: Blick am Sonntag - >> Read the article

"I'm sorry about the sex"

Interview with Pamela Rußmann in: MyGiulia—The Online Magazine for Optimists— >> Read the article

"No Sex? That's Fine! An Expert Helps You De-stress"

Interview with Anne Waak in: Myself—The Magazine for Strong Women— >> Read the article

“Is a lack of motivation normal?”

Interview with Jessica King in: Der Bund - >> Read the article

"Let's talk about sex, baby!" 

Interview on the cultural radio station COSMO (WDR, Radio Bremen, rbb)

PODCASTS:

TV

Why Are We Having Less Sex? "
" Expert Discussion on: arte – 42, The Answer to Almost Everything

REVIEWS:

"A voice inside me speaks up—one I haven’t heard in a long time: It claims that I can only feel loved, wanted, close, and secure when I am desired. Actually, only then—truly—when a penis enters my vagina. I have no idea who taught me that. [...] Luckily, I just happen to have exactly the right book on hand: Beate Absalon has written a book for ‘the impotent’—for everyone who can’t, won’t, or isn’t interested in sex at all. [...] She wants to encourage us to give the middle finger to the omnipresence of sex, its overloading with meaning, performance-driven sex, idealized sex, the expectations we place on our own sexual performance, the unwritten laws of sex—simply to every “you must.” [...] What happens when we become curious and inventive again when it comes to intimacy?” 

Eva Hanson: "Making Love for the Impotent" – >> Read the text

“Impotent in the conventional sense,” writes Absalon, “is much more likely to be someone who can’t stand the lack of arousal—someone who doesn’t allow themselves to go without sex.” And it’s exactly these sentences that I highlight in the book. “Potent, on the other hand, is someone who can also just let things be.” I’ve never read anything like this before, tbh. As I read Absalon’s words, I reflect on my own relationship with sex. How narrow-minded and one-dimensional I myself have been—and in some ways still am—when talking about sex.

Bianca Jankovska: “Not Giving a Fuck”: Do We Need Sex Negativity to Be Sexually Liberated?, in: Groschenphilosophin – >> Read the Article 

"Not Giving a Fuck" encourages readers to critically examine their own beliefs and offers in-depth analyses that go beyond individual advice. With wit and clarity, Beate Absalon has created an inspiring work that has profoundly broadened my perspective on (a)sexuality and intimacy.

Johannes von Queer in Literature - >> Go to the post