NOT GIVING A FUCK

OF LISTLESS SEX & SEXLESS LUST

A plea for non_sexual liberation by Beate Absalon

No more sex at last!

The pressure to have great sex is omnipresent today. Beate Absalon invites you to shake it off and explore the possibilities of headstrong and inventive pleasure.

You can feel sorry for sex. It would be a refuge for mutual good deeds and useless craziness - but it has become a cramped project that absolutely has to succeed for us to be considered successful, even where we are already doing better in queer-feminist terms. 

In her search for de-stressing, Beate Absalon takes a culturally and historically informed look at the secluded but only supposed opposite side of sexuality: Unlust, asexuality, celibacy and dysfunction, which gleefully refuse to obey the sexual duty of service and open up unheard-of scope.

HERE >> TO THE READING SAMPLE

or at your favorite bookstore.

PRESS RELEASES:

A redemptive and wonderfully free-thinking book.

Insa Wilke, WDR 3 Gutenberg's World - the literary magazine

Absalon sees the increasing liberation from 'forced sexuality' as a 'gesture of resistance' (...) even if this trend is confronted with the constant dilemma of all liberation dynamics: Before you know it, the initial freedom turns into coercion.

Marie-Luise Goldmann: "The end of sex has come" in: Die Welt - >> to the text

As pleasurable, intense, self-determined and liberated as possible - this is the new commandment of sex positivity. In "Not Giving a Fuck", Beate Absalon calls on us to escape this pressure and take a holistic approach to sex.

Christine Mayrhofer: "Was that it again with sex positivity?" in: Die Presse - >> to the text

"Not giving a fuck" can be a revelation, an impetus to recognize our forced-sex society and to question it for ourselves. It is pleasant to read because the book is not only insightful and unprejudiced, but also links individual questions to the big picture.

Fabian Schäfer: "Why this plea for stress-free sex was urgently needed" in: queer.de - >> to the text

A work that encourages readers to question their own ideas about sex and pleasure. [...] With direct, often humorous language and a refreshingly honest approach, Absalon turns conventional notions of sexuality on their head and opens up new perspectives on intimacy.

"Why you have better sex with a little selfishness" in: GGG.at - >> to the text

"Not giving a fuck" looks at the development of today's prevailing understanding of sex in Western culture, at the hopeless entanglement of our sexuality with power relations and conventions. It becomes clear that even we queers are not immune to the cramp of successful sex, of "sex as it should be", although the author explicitly places hope in queer and feminist movements, which have often been and still are the driving force behind social emancipation processes. The book is inspiring because readers can't help but reflect on their own patterns and beliefs in and out of bed. And because it also understands private fucking or not fucking as political.

Kitty Hawk: "Fuck the System" in: L.Mag. The Magazine for Lesbians - >> to the magazine

Absalon also suggests taking a more relaxed approach to sex. However, she hasn't developed any extravagant sex techniques or chewed up South Asian philosophies for Westerners. No, Beate Absalon's suggestion is as simple as it is radical: if it doesn't work, then just don't have sex. Excuse me? (...) I feel a stone fall from my heart. And at the same time I feel caught out. Because I've hardly ever admitted to myself that I don't want to have sex. (...) Why don't we have a script for how to be intimate with other people apart from sex?"

Emily Kossak: "Why sex doesn't always have to get better", in: Krautreporter - >> to the text

German cultural scientist Beate Absalon explores the omnipresence of sex in our society in her recently published book "Not Giving a Fuck". She is convinced that sex has become a promise of happiness and success on which a person's value and identity are based.

Nicole Althaus and Thomas Isler: "How does sex work today?" in: Neue Zürcher Zeitung - >> to the text

INTERVIEWS:

"Author Beate Absalon on the role of sex in our relationships - and in society"

Interview with Lisa-Marie Yilmaz on: web.de - >> to the text

"Many young people don't need this sexual theater"

Interview with Fabian Schäfer in: fluter - >> to the text

"Throw the sexual pressure to perform out of bed!" Sex is less important than we think - says author Beate Absalon

Interview with Tobias Schmitz in: Stern - >> to the text

Reasons for abstinence. Scientist wants to "de-stress" sexuality

Interview with Magdalena Thiele by: Katholische Nachrichtenagentur for the Westfalen Blatt - >> to the text

"Be as prudish as you like": What to do about the great uptightness during sex?

Interview with Joana Nietfeld in the: Tagesspiegel - >> to the text

"We should allow ourselves to fail at sex"

Interview with Alexandra Fitz in: Blick am Sonntag - >> to the text

"I'm sorry about the sex"

Interview with Pamela Rußmann in: MyGiulia - The online magazine for optimists - >> to the text

"No sex? That's good! An expert provides stress relief"

Interview with Anne Waak in: Myself - The magazine for strong women - >> to the text

"Is listlessness normal?"

Interview with Jessica King in: Der Bund - >> to the text

"Let's talk about sex, baby!" 

Interview on the cultural channel COSMO (WDR, Radio Bremen, rbb)

PODCASTS:

TV

Why are we having less sex?
Expert discussion on: arte - 42, The answer to almost everything

REVIEWS:

"I hear a voice inside me that I haven't heard for a long time: It claims that I can only feel loved, wanted, close and secure when I am desired. Actually, only when a penis pushes itself into my vagina. I don't know who taught me that. [...] Fortunately, I happen to have just the right book to read: Beate Absalon has written a book for the 'impotent': For all those who can't, don't want to or aren't interested in sex at all. [...] She wants to encourage us to give the middle finger to the omnipresence of sex, its overload of meaning, performance sex, ideal sex, the attitude of entitlement towards one's own ability to function, the unwritten laws of sex, simply every 'you should'. [...] What happens when we become curious and inventive about intimacy again?" 

Eva Hanson: "Making love for the impotent" - >> to the text

"Impotent in the usual sense," writes Absalon, "is much more likely to be someone who can't stand being flaccid. Those who don't allow themselves not to have sex." And it's precisely these sentences that I'm marking in the book. "Potent, on the other hand, is someone who can simply leave themselves alone." Never read it like that before, tbh. As I read Absalon's words, I think about my own relationship with sex. How narrow-minded and one-dimensional I have been and sometimes still am about sex.

Bianca Jankovska: "Not giving a fuck": Do we need sex negativity in order to be sexually liberated?, in: Groschenphilosophin - >> to the text

"Not giving a fuck" encourages us to critically question our own ideas and offers well-founded analyses that go beyond individual advice. With wit and clarity, Beate Absalon has created an inspiring work that has broadened my view of (a)sexuality and intimacy in the long term.

Johannes from Queer in Literature - >> to the post