Here is a wonderful description of the workshop as >> PDF.
“I wonder if that feels good?” “Do I look weird?” “Is that what he expects?” “Is that how it’s done?” “Do I want this?” “Why doesn’t she want to?” “How do I know what I want?” “How do I say that?” “Why is he doing that?” “Do they like that?” “Why can’t I?” “Shouldn’t we do this more often?” “Is that okay?” “Where do I start?” “What do we do afterward?”...
WHY THIS WORKSHOP?
Let’s be honest—or let’s put our hands on our crotches: for whom does sex ever go perfectly? But why should it—sex is complex! And strange, in the best possible way. It’s just that everyone acts as if it’s perfectly clear how it works and what it’s all about. Right?
Or is it? Because if you look around, things don’t exactly seem to be thriving in the realm of erotic fulfillment. Intimacy could mean participating in life and sharing experiences that uplift, comfort, or intrigue. Instead, people compare themselves to others and put on a show. Looking good seems more important than feeling good. Some worry about their relationship because they’re not in the mood (anymore). Others wonder what’s wrong with them because they can’t come, aren’t able to, or don’t want to. The solution: tinkering with the symptoms?“Just dosomethingexcitingagain! Watch less porn!Take these pills!10 tips to beat the slump!”But does that really help in the long run?
And even if it works out: how well do you know your own sexuality? Do you feel at home with it? Do you stay curious? Or does it just “work”?
OUR PROPOSAL
Beherzt vorwärts scheitern <3
This weekend, problems* become muses that inspire us. They become companions who protect us. They want to be heard and respected so they can bring about change. They demand: Something has to change for us! Because it’s probably not us who are the problem, but our circumstances.
So where's the real problem?
*You can read about what these issues are in the disclaimer below
Our bodies are cleverly defiant. They don’t conform to any idea of “good” or “normal” sex—as long as it doesn’t align with the way we tick.
What makes you tick? In other words: What drives you, who are you, and what makes you who you are?
Under what conditions do you thrive—almost effortlessly, without that exhausting drive to optimize?
What kind of sex would you invent that suits you (including any possibilities across the entire spectrum, from asexuality to abstinence)?
Your sex life might have nothing to do with what’s generally considered “sex.” That might seem scary or exhausting. As social beings, many people prefer to follow a “paint-by-numbers” approach rather than figure things out on their own . “Just tell me what to do!” But that’s exactly what misses the point…
HOW WE SUPPORT YOU AS YOU EXPLORE, GROW, AND RESEARCH
When you're on your own, it's easy to feel overwhelmed by difficulties and challenges. To embrace them as opportunities and valuable resources, you need
• Thoughtfully designed and empathetic spaces for experiencing life as it is—for feeling, reflecting, and making sense of things
• Playgrounds for experimenting with unfamiliar practices, for adopting different perspectives, and for envisioning—on both a grand and a small scale—how things could be different
• attentive groups that don't sugarcoat things, but look at them honestly and want to learn and grow together
With kindness, curiosity, and a playful spirit, we explore the deeper, still hidden layers and themes of our problems, what they point to, and what possibilities they open up.
How does the problem feel in your body? How can you move it? How does it want to express itself? What would it say? What needs are being expressed through it?
METHODS
The exercises are done both individually and in interaction with others—always in a way that is mutually agreed upon by all participants.
The instructions are clearly communicated and make the purpose behind the exercises transparent.
Various options for doing the exercises are suggested. You can always take a break.
Our work is inspired by systemic, experiential, and body-oriented psychotherapy, the improvisational arts, BDSM, Authentic Relating, embodiment, and critical theory.
Among other things, we will do the following:
• Mindfulness exercises that allow you to physically perceive the problem—including its complexity as well as its discomfort (“Felt Sensing”)
• Kinky play scenarios and interactions that broaden the scope of sexuality and raise awareness of sensuality, eroticism, and power dynamics
• Reflecting on typical behavior patterns, followed by somatic exercises that stimulate the nervous system in a different way than usual: calmness in situations where one would normally feel tense; arousal in situations where one would normally “break down”
• Embodiment through dramatic constellations to give the problem a concrete form and engage in dialogue with it
• Creative writing and sketching to find new, original, or more precise words and images for the topic
• Body mapping / pleasure mapping, which helps identify sensations in the body that go beyond traditional, socially prescribed definitions
• Betty Martin's "Wheel of Consent" allows people to explore different types of touch and inner attitudes
• Reflecting on recurring fantasies (Core Erotic Fantasies) and the needs and internalized beliefs expressed through them
• Identifying our personal turn-ons and becoming aware of the contexts, circumstances, and conditions we need to feel safe—and thus to experience pleasure
*DISCLAIMER
• Problems are defined by the fact that they are unpleasant, cause worry, etc. However, the potential emotional distress should be something you can tolerate in order to address it during the course. We do not provide solutions; rather, we broaden perspectives and possibilities (reframing, reimagining, reinterpreting). If this is not possible for you—because you want to get rid of the problem as quickly as possible and at all costs—we would advise against participating in the course.
• There are issues on a purely somatic-physical level that can and should be treated medically. This course is by no means intended to replace such treatment. However, we can support you as you figure out how to deal with your symptoms and treatments, evaluate them, and learn to live with them. This is never about “bypassing”—which distracts from existing feelings and sensations—but rather about creatively integrating what is.
• We do not provide psychologically grounded support; rather, drawing on our expertise in bodywork and social analysis, we offer a space for exploration of the fairly common conflicts and difficulties related to sex and non-sex.
• Paraphilias are not appropriate topics for this course (Content Note: Violence → Paraphilias = sexual acts involving non-consenting beings, as well as non-consensual acts of torture, humiliation, overpowering, harassment, or coercion into sexual activities)
• Unresolved trauma is not an appropriate topic for this course.
We generally speak of trauma when the violence experienced has not been processed and integrated. If the traumatic event has not yet been addressed through therapy, participation in the course is generally not recommended.
However, participation is possible if you have already addressed the issue and feel emotionally stable enough to integrate it into your personal story as part of our course. At no point during the course will we, as workshop facilitators, specifically ask about traumatic experiences, in order to avoid the risk of overwhelming emotions and retraumatization. We use a trauma-sensitive approach, but do not offer trauma therapy.
• Please note that this course is only for people who do not identify as cis men (i.e., not for people who were assigned male at birth and who also identify as such)
• Also unsuitable for this course are those who self-identify as incels (“Involuntary Celibates”), whose frustration stems from a sense of entitlement—the belief that they are entitled to sex.
• However, those who are involuntarily celibate—who do not feel entitled to the bodies of others and who wish to explore the associated feelings (such as frustration, disappointment, feelings of inferiority, irritation, insecurity, etc.) with curiosity and an open mind—are very much welcome.
• You don't have to have a big problem—you're very welcome to come by even just to share your little "quirks" or simply to ask questions, express your curiosity, or share your wonder!
• Your problems may relate to your personal sex life, but they may also relate to societal perceptions and norms regarding sex that you find challenging. In addition, it is possible to address problems in specific contexts (e.g., problems related to sex within a relationship)
• Here is a partial list of possible issues that might lead you to us:
The feeling: There’s got to be more to it than this! Or the question, “What else is possible?” “What am I overlooking?” / Pressure to meet expectations / Performance demands / Dissatisfaction / Lack of enthusiasm / Insecurity / Shame / Shyness / Embarrassment / Disgust / Boredom / Inhibitions / Weariness / Stress / Pessimism / Frustration / Irritation / dissatisfaction / discouragement / confusion / feeling rejected or fear of being rejected / awkwardness / feeling lost (e.g., uncertainty about which sexual identity, orientation, or preferences are right for you) / lack of motivation / room for improvement in communication skills (“how do I figure out and express what I do (or don’t) want?”) / Various “dysfunctions” according to the MSD Manual (“disorders” or “deficiencies” related to libido, sexual desire, arousal, erection, orgasm, ejaculation, vaginismus, lubrication, pain, etc.) / feeling overwhelmed / numbness / dissociation / emotional numbness / Overstimulation / Oversexed and underfucked / Incompatibility / differing expectations or needs in relationships / Inexperience / Longing / lack of sex ( → e.g., one wishes for more/different/sex again, or one hasn’t had sex in a long time and feels out of practice or fears never having it again, …) / Questioning one’s own place on the asexual spectrum / FOMO (fear of missing out) / Awkwardness / Feeling strange / Incompetence / Lack of confidence / Self-doubt (“I can’t do this,” “I’m definitely bad in bed,” “I’m not queer enough,” “He’ll leave me if I don’t…”) / Jealousy / Envy / Comparing oneself to others / Low “sexual capital” in a patriarchal society / Fear of being used by others / Hypersexuality / “Sex addiction” / Questioning one’s own needs behind sex (is it perhaps compensating for something?) / Inhibitions / Perfectionism / Lack of imagination / Repression / Internalized and limiting beliefs or convictions / Search for new horizons, possibilities, definitions / Wanting to cultivate a greater capacity for pleasure / Lack of security or commitment during sex / Not feeling lovable when… / wanting to save oneself for later / having different ideas than the majority of society / feelings of alienation / attaching enormous importance to sex, which becomes a burden / high tension during sex / stiffness / ingrained behavioral patterns during sex / cognitive narrowing/rigidity (it only works if you meticulously do XYZ, and you wish for more options) / rigid routines / people-pleasing / selfishness / giving too much / being unable or unwilling to receive or treat oneself / being unable or unwilling to allow others to receive or treat themselves / not knowing what one wants / exhaustion / wanting to shed well-established role stereotypes (do I always have to be the wild stallion? Who else can I be?) / feeling asexual / feeling too sexual / not being aware of one’s own motivations for sex (“Why do I have sex?”) / not knowing how to do it (right) / a skill set with room for improvement / resentment / “overthinking” / self-sabotage / desiring deeper intimacy / avoidance / ...
THE HOSTESSES
BEATE ABSALON
is a cultural theorist with a background in various somatic disciplines. In her work, she explores the ambivalence of modern sexual cultures. She has held research fellowships at various institutions for cultural studies and is writing her dissertation on the practices of negotiating consensual sex. In 2024, she published her non-fiction book*Not giving a fuck*. On Listless Sex and Sexless Pleasure: Overcoming Social Pressure and Finding Vibrant Intimacy (Kremayr&Scheriau). In it, she argues that the pressure to have “great” sex can be confidently shaken off, while a curious and compassionate attitude toward lack of desire, shame, boredom, “dry spells,” feminist celibacy, or asexuality can open up exciting new forms of intimacy. She is currently training to become a couples and sex therapist. As a psychosocial counselor and workshop leader, she believes in the power of eroticism—which often reveals itself most clearly in moments of “failure.” Her practice promotes self-determination and invites people to engage with themselves with greater seriousness as well as more playfulness.
Photo: Pauline Massimo
REBECCA FRANCES
She studied languages at the University of Cambridge and now explores how the body communicates. As a coach, yoga teacher, and breath therapist, she explores how to lead a fulfilling and joyful life despite the inevitability of crises, illness, limitations, pain, and grief. She has completed training in Sexological Bodywork at the ISB Berlin, as well as over 600 hours of massage, breathwork, and bodywork training (David Lutt, Thai Massage Circus, Kaline Kelly, Daniel Odier, Martin Beaudoin), over 400 hours of RYT yoga teacher training (Surinder Ji, Lizzie and Judith Lasater, Rajiv Chanchani), has experience studying tantric massage, conscious sexual practices, and BDSM, and is an advanced student of Taoist practices. In addition, she explores philosophical and poetic approaches to the somatic. In her practical, creative, and experimental physical exercises, she draws on her intellectual background and professional interests to further investigate exactly what happens when bodies touch—and why we either want that so much or don’t want it at all.
SCHEDULE
Fri, Apr. 3, 2026 - 6:00–9:00 p.m.
Sat, Apr. 4, 2026 - 1:00–10pm
Sun, Apr. 5, 2026 - 1:00–6:00 p.m.
LANGUAGES
, English, German
HOSTS
, Beata & Rebecca Frances
Choose your ticket price based on your own assessment.
With our Low(er) Income Tickets, we want to give low-income individuals the opportunity to attend our events.
We cordially invite high earners to make it with a higher contribution possible for us to make this offer.
With that in mind, we thank you in advance for your solidarity.
For people with particularly low incomes, there are usually additional options available for even lower prices.
Please don't hesitate to write to us and ask any questions. We'd love to have you join us!
PRICE PER PERSON
: 333.00 EUR
Low(er) Income Tickets
I – EUR 280.00
II – EUR 222.00
III – EUR 150.00
High(er) Income Tickets
I – EUR 380.00
II – EUR 444.00
III – EUR 480.00
Please also read all further info below, too.
Further informations
NOTES ON THE EVENT
Our events focus on learning and exploring together as a group, fostering collaborative processes and personal development. Participants should generally be open to working with other participants during the exercises, regardless of their gender, appearance, etc. However, exceptions can always be discussed, as we aim to create a safer and more courageous space where all participants feel as included as possible, but not entitled. A space where we treat one another with generosity, but without pandering. A space where preconceptions are reexamined and deconstructed, while at the same time honoring our gut feelings.
Gender identity, sexual or romantic orientation, sexual preferences, age, or membership in marginalized groups such as BBIPoC, people with a migration background, refugees, LGBTQIA+, people with disabilities, etc., are not criteria for registration or participant selection.
We do our best to accommodate different needs, but our resources are limited. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact us!
Although the IKSK workshop room is wheelchair accessible, the showers and restrooms in the room are only accessible via a few steps. However, the outdoor area of the Holzmarkt does have the necessary facilities.
We expect everyone to treat one another with care—by communicating their needs, interacting with mutual respect, and keeping shared experiences confidential. We ask that you set aside any preconceptions and, instead of making assumptions about other participants’ preferences, ask questions respectfully.
We support and encourage participants to respect not only the boundaries of others but also their own. Participation in the course content is at the participant's own risk.
The workshop will be conducted in English and German—depending on the participants’ needs, we will translate exercises and organize groups so that everyone can engage in discussion in the language they are able or willing to speak.
Participants must be sober when attending the workshop.
Hate speech will not be tolerated.
We reserve the right to exclude participants whose behavior is offensive or problematic from the workshop without providing a reason—although we will likely try to explain our decision. Workshop fees will then be refunded in full. No further claims will be accepted.
CANCELLATION POLICY
Cancellations are free of charge up to eight weeks before the course begins; up to four weeks before the course begins, a cancellation fee of 20% of the course fee applies; and up to two weeks before the course begins, a cancellation fee of 50% applies. Later cancellations and refunds of participant fees are not possible. However, participants may find substitutes to take their reserved spots. There are no special provisions for non-attendance due to illness. We recommend looking into ticket insurance options—try Googling “ticket insurance,” “Ergo,” “Hanse-Merkur,” or similar terms. In general, we strive to find reasonable solutions in such cases. Please contact us via private message if necessary. If the event is canceled by the organizers, the full course fee will be refunded. No further claims are permitted.