Intimate Interviews Part I – The Intersection of Art and Desire, and a Workshop Request Show
Last year, during our stay in Hallein, Austria, on the occasion of Schmiede19: better, we had the pleasure of interviewing lovely and talented people about everything that occupies us in our work. For this, we first pampered our interviewees with a bodywork session of their choice, so that we could start a conversation with each other so well perfused.
Many questions we had prepared and they keep coming up, others arose spontaneously. So the conversations usually started with a free association on the topic of "sex" - just say what comes to mind first without thinking. And towards the end, it was usually about which workshops on creative intimacy they would specifically like to see. What emerged between us and was put into words are gold pieces for me!
Here follows the first transcribed interview!
“Desire, passion, responsibility, fun, exuberance, tension, comedy, unease, fear, feelings of happiness, rage, euphoria, a sense of security, calm, depth, companionship, madness, and yes… so much all wrapped up in one, and all of it touching and hard to pin down.”
– What do you see as the difference between your artistic work and your sexual desire?
Yeah, I wonder that myself every now and then. That energy you feel during sex or when creating art is often very similar—both have a certain drive, and you’re so immersed in it that you don’t want to stop at all; it’s that feeling of always wanting to stay in the moment… When something moves me aesthetically, for example—and this is a cheesy example—the sky when the sun is setting and it’s so emerald green, and it’s emerald green all the way through, and you’re on the highway and you see red and green lights and they match that emerald sky so perfectly… And that kind of arouses me in a way that makes me think: this could also be sexual arousal.
I have a kind of spiritualized sexuality. So it’s not really about feeling secure, cuddling, and warmth… it’s more a bit fantastical and a bit energetic, and less about cuddling and warmth. Although, deep down, I miss that too. And my art is also very spiritual. There’s certainly a lot of physical exertion in my art—a lot of jumping around, screwing things together, cutting things up. But the physical work serves only what I want to realize in my mind. There’s a lot of artistry in BDSM play, for example.
– Is there anything you miss about your sex life?
I used to talk very little about sex, but then I started to change that and want to cultivate it more so that it just becomes a natural part of who I am. But I think it’s a process, because once you’ve gotten into the habit of not saying much, you get caught up in this vortex and end up saying a lot of nothing.
It’s like constantly having to remind yourself: “Ah, I’m actually saying it!”
I miss that in my sex life, and it really shows in the relationship. The way we interact changes. What seemed a bit intangible becomes, when you talk about it, something tangible that you can play around with and have a lot of fun with. The risk of finding yourself in an uncomfortable situation where you feel like you have no control decreases. And you can explore more and try out more things.
– How do you practice speaking?
Every now and then, when something doesn't sit right with me, or when I'm having a hard time dealing with a situation, I just say it straight out.
[…]
– How about we take turns saying one specific thing each that we’d like to explore in a workshop? What are we up for? What do we think we’d like to learn more about together with others: How can we make that work? You don’t even have to be completely honest right now… Let’s get started!
I'd love to be licked all night long. How can I arrange for someone to lick me for 8 or 12 hours—depending on how long I sleep?
I'd like men to kiss more tenderly. Maybe a kissing workshop.
I’d love to have a workshop for women so they can take more from men—or rather, take ME! Take more for themselves…
That’s what I’d like, too… female dominance, actually. But in a LOVING way, not the “kiss my ass” kind. More from the heart…
I’d love to take a class on what it’s like to be a dominatrix, because I don’t think I’m cut out for it at all…
I’d love to do even more workshops—even though we’re already doing them—where you can really specify exactly what you want to happen. You tell someone what to do, and then, when it’s carried out, you might find yourself thinking, “Pff… so it doesn’t work after all; the other person is doing it, but not with the right motivation…”
I'd like to see some artistic biting.
Actually, there are also saliva and drool workshops… a little gross, but actually really cool.
I’d like to address the issue of perfectionism. I often notice this in our classes: we demonstrate something, people try it out, and immediately they say, “I’m so bad! I did such a terrible job!” And I always think, “What!? You’re doing this for the first time! Don’t be so hard on yourself right away.” I’d like to address the fact that people engage in this self-flagellation and push themselves so hard that everything has to be perfect right away, and there’s really little room for making mistakes. I’d like to bring a sense of ease and friendliness into that.
I’d like to take a workshop on: How do I strike up a conversation with people on the bus? … A flirting workshop… but there are those annoying pickup artists—that’s really annoying! But… well… it’s just something I’m really bad at…
How to deal with “creepy old men” without immediately judging them, because there are always people who are really unpleasant, and you quickly feel the urge to go to someone else and complain: “Man, that guy is so annoying—this is unacceptable!” Outrage! But how can you deal with these people directly? Without immediately saying: “Demon, begone!” I can also understand the outrage from bystanders, but it would be really good if the men experienced that too, because I think often they don’t even realize they’re acting like jerks, and I think often they’re just lost and desperate.
[Edit: We’ve fulfilled this wish ourselves:) ]Sex often has a repulsive side to it for people… that might be another kind of mental workshop… Exploring those boundaries: you reach a point where something is so pleasurable and so passionate and so hot, and then you reach a point where it becomes gruesome—and those are two levels that are so close together, yet at the same time so far apart, and I just find what happens there incredibly fascinating… Also, the fact that people find it attractive to defecate on each other—it’s just there and it exists—and I find it incredibly interesting how such passion arises. I’d really love to talk to someone who has that kind of fetish and find out what it’s like for them.
I’d also like to do something that’s bizarre, grotesque, disgusting, and monstrous, because it’s often more about beauty, the sacred, and the angelic…
…and then the angel poops on your stomach…
Yes!
Yes, or maybe… it doesn’t have to go that far; maybe it’s enough to just ask yourself: what kind of facial expression are you putting on? Do you have a practiced “bedroom look”? And sexy poses… And then doing the exact opposite—allowing yourself to be ugly and pull faces. I think that can be totally empowering and hot.
[Edit:We’ve fulfilled this wish, too:) ]
I once sculpted a bust of a friend capturing her expression during orgasm… and then I took lots of photos of my friends during orgasm, and I was so surprised because most of them looked exactly the same! Most had their heads tilted back slightly, their eyes closed, and their mouths open. And they were so similar—I flip through my photos and one looks just like the other, except one has long hair, one is blonde, the other brunette… but then suddenly this photo of an acquaintance of mine comes up, and she has her eyes open, and she squints a little anyway, and in the picture she squints even more, and she also has her mouth wide open and actually looks a bit startled, and that was like: wow! That’s more or less how I’d imagined the faces. Although I have to admit, mine looked exactly the same as the others’… maybe most people just look like that after all…
But maybe it would be interesting to consciously try a different facial expression… always the exact opposite of what you usually do. …A workshop on expressions… body expressions, vocal expressions, gestures for sex… I really think there’s a lot of potential there, because just telling people, “Take a conscious breath with your mouth open,” already makes a big difference…
It took me a long time to learn to let go during sex. Breathing helps me. It really changed my sex life when I started getting into breathing techniques. It helped me so much to just fully relax even during the most intense moments and switch between intensity and calm—which was such an interesting balance… I think a lot of people struggle with letting go. With breathing, it’s become much more pleasurable and much more intense. That’s very gratifying.
I don’t know if people feel trapped and situations become unnecessarily uncomfortable. Calmness can help you grasp things better and become aware of what you want.Personally, I don't always find it easy to let go either. It always depends on whether I'm stressed at the moment, or who I'm with. Maybe a situation is already sexy and hot, but there isn't a personal connection where I really want to be myself and let go . It might not even happen consciously, but I just can't let go because there isn't enough trust. It really varies depending on the person.
People have their reasons for not being able to let go; it’s not because they’re stupid, but because holding on was actually a smart survival strategy at one point. It’s actually pretty smart of the body to hold on so tightly! And you can just extend invitations to your body: “Hey, do you want to let go now? Okay, not yet… okay, maybe now…”
