Intimate Interviews, Part I – The Connection Between Art and Pleasure, and a Workshop Request Show
Last year, during our stay in Hallein, Austria, on the occasion of Schmiede19: better, we had the pleasure of interviewing lovely and talented people about everything that occupies us in our work. For this, we first pampered our interviewees with a bodywork session of their choice, so that we could start a conversation with each other so well perfused.
Many questions we had prepared and they keep coming up, others arose spontaneously. So the conversations usually started with a free association on the topic of "sex" - just say what comes to mind first without thinking. And towards the end, it was usually about which workshops on creative intimacy they would specifically like to see. What emerged between us and was put into words are gold pieces for me!
Here follows the first transcribed interview!
“Desire, passion, responsibility, fun, exuberance, tension, comedy, unease, fear, feelings of happiness, rage, euphoria, a sense of security, calm, depth, companionship, madness, and yes… so much all wrapped up in one, and all of it touching and hard to pin down.”
– What do you see as the difference between your artistic work and your sexual desire?
Yeah, I wonder that myself every now and then. That energy you feel during sex or when creating art is often very similar—both have this drive, and you’re so into it that you don’t want to stop at all; it’s that feeling of always wanting to stay in the moment… When something moves me aesthetically—for example—and this is a cheesy example—the sky when the sun is setting and it’s this emerald green, this deep, rich emerald green, and you’re on the highway and you see red and green lights, and they just blend so perfectly with that emerald sky… And that kind of turns me on in a way that makes me think: this could also be sexual arousal.
I have a kind of spiritual approach to sexuality. So it has little to do with feeling secure, cuddling, and warmth… it’s more a bit fantastical and a bit energetic, and less about cuddling and warmth. Although, deep down, I miss that too. And my art is also very spiritual. There’s definitely a lot of physical exertion in my art, too—a lot of jumping around, screwing things together, cutting things up. But the physical work is only a means to what I want to achieve mentally. There’s a lot of artistry in BDSM play, for example.
– Is there anything you miss about your sexuality?
I used to talk very little about sex, but then I started to change that, and I’d like to cultivate it more so that it just becomes a natural part of who I am. But I think it’s a work in progress, because once you’ve gotten into the habit of not saying much, you get caught up in this vortex and end up saying a lot of nothing.
It’s like constantly patting yourself on the back: “Ah, I’m actually saying it!”
I miss that in my sex life, and it really shows in the relationship. The way we interact changes. What seemed a bit intangible becomes, when you talk about it, something tangible that you can play around with and have a lot of fun with. The risk of finding yourself in an uncomfortable situation where you feel like you’ve lost control decreases. And you can explore more and try more things.
– How do you practice speaking?
Every now and then, when something doesn't sit right with me, or when I'm having a hard time dealing with a situation, I just say it straight out.
[…]
– How about we take turns, with each of us naming one very specific thing we’d like to explore during a workshop? What are we up for? What do we think we’d like to learn more about together with others: How can we make that work well? It doesn’t even have to be completely honest right now… Let’s get started!
I'd love to be licked all night long. How can I get someone to lick me for 8 or 12 hours—depending on how long I sleep?
I'd like men to kiss tenderly more often. Maybe a kissing workshop.
I'd love to have a workshop for women so they can take more from men—well, from ME, actually! Take more for themselves…
I'd like that, too… female dominance, actually. But in a LOVING way, not like, "Kiss my boots." More from the heart…
I'd also like to take a class on what it's like to be a dominatrix, because I don't think I'm cut out for it at all…
I’d love to do even more workshops—even though we’re already doing them—where you can really specify exactly what you want to happen. Tell someone what you want them to do, and then, when it’s carried out, maybe realize: “Pff…so it doesn’t work after all; the other person is doing it, but not with the right motivation…”
I'd like to see some artistic biting.
Actually, there are also saliva and drool workshops… a little gross, but actually really cool.
I’d like to make a wish about perfectionism. I often notice this in our classes: we’ll demonstrate something, people give it a try, and right away they say, “I’m so bad at this! I did such a terrible job!” And I always think, “What!? You just did that for the first time! Don’t be so hard on yourself right away.” I’d like to address the fact that people engage in this kind of self-flagellation and push themselves so hard that everything has to be perfect right away—and there’s really very little tolerance for mistakes. I’d like to bring a sense of ease and friendliness into the mix.
I'd like to take a workshop on: How do I strike up a conversation with people on the bus? … A flirting workshop… but there are those stupid pickup artists—that's really annoying! But… well… that's just something I'm really bad at…
How to deal with “creepy old men” without immediately judging them, because there are always people who are really unpleasant, and you quickly feel the urge to go to someone else and complain: “Man, that guy is so annoying—this is totally unacceptable!” Outrage! But how can you deal with these people directly? Without immediately saying, “Demon, begone!” I can also understand the outrage from bystanders, but it would be really good if the men got to experience that too, because I think often they don’t even realize they’re acting like jerks, and I think often they’re just lost and desperate.
[Edit: We’ve granted ourselves this wish:) ]Sex is often something people find repulsive… that might be another one of those mental workshops… Exploring those boundaries: you reach a point where something is so pleasurable, so passionate, and so hot, and then you reach a point where it becomes gruesome—and those are two levels that are so close together, yet at the same time so far apart, and I find what happens there absolutely fascinating… Also, the fact that people find it attractive to defecate on each other—it’s just there, it exists—and I find it incredibly interesting to understand how that kind of passion arises. I’d really love to talk to someone who has that kind of fetish and find out what it’s like for them.
I'd also like to do something that explores the bizarre, the grotesque, the repulsive, and the monstrous, because so often the focus is on the beautiful, the sacred, and the angelic…
…and then the angel poops on your stomach…
Yes!
Yes, or maybe… it doesn’t have to go that far—maybe it’s enough just to think about: what kind of facial expression are you making? Do you have a practiced “bedroom look”? And sexy poses… And then doing the exact opposite—allowing yourself to be ugly and pulling funny faces. I think that can be totally empowering and hot.
[Edit:We’ve fulfilled this wish, too:) ]
I once sculpted a bust of a friend capturing her expression during an orgasm… and then I took lots of photos of my friends during orgasm, and I was so surprised because most of them looked exactly the same! Most of them had their heads tilted back slightly, their eyes closed, and their mouths open. And they looked so similar—I’d flip through my photos and one looked just like the other; only one had long hair, one was blonde, the other a brunette… but then suddenly this photo of an acquaintance of mine popped up, and she had her eyes open—she’s a bit cross-eyed anyway, and in the picture she’s even more so—and her mouth was wide open too, and she actually looked almost a little startled, and that was like: wow! That’s more or less how I’d imagined the faces. Although I have to admit, mine looked exactly the same as the others’… maybe most people really do look like that after all…
But maybe it would be interesting to consciously try a different facial expression for a change… always doing the exact opposite of what you usually do. …A workshop on expressions… body expressions, voice expressions, gestures for sex… I really do think there’s a lot of potential there, because just telling people, “Take a conscious breath with your mouth open,” already creates a completely different experience…
It took me a long time to learn how to let go during sex. Breathing helps me. It made a huge difference in my sex life when I started getting interested in breathing techniques. It really helped me—even during the most intense moments—to just completely calm down and switch back and forth between intensity and calm, which was such an interesting balance… I think a lot of people struggle with letting go like this. With breathing, it’s become much more pleasurable and much more intense. That’s really wonderful.
I don’t know if people feel trapped and situations become unnecessarily uncomfortable as a result. Calmness can help you take in more of what’s happening and become aware of what you want.Personally, I don't always find it easy to let myself go either. It always depends on: Am I stressed right now? Who am I with right now? Maybe a situation is already sexy and hot, but there's no personal connection where I really want to show my true self and let go . It might not even happen consciously, but I just can't let go because there isn't enough trust there. It really varies from person to person.
People do have reasons why they can’t let go—it’s not because they’re stupid, but because holding on was actually once a smart survival strategy. It’s pretty smart of the body to hold on so tightly! And you can just extend invitations to the body: “Hey, do you want to let go now? Okay, not yet… okay, maybe now…”
