Intimate Interviews Part I - The connection between art and desire and a workshop request concert
Last year, during our stay in Hallein, Austria, on the occasion of Schmiede19: better, we had the pleasure of interviewing lovely and talented people about everything that occupies us in our work. For this, we first pampered our interviewees with a bodywork session of their choice, so that we could start a conversation with each other so well perfused.
Many questions we had prepared and they keep coming up, others arose spontaneously. So the conversations usually started with a free association on the topic of "sex" - just say what comes to mind first without thinking. And towards the end, it was usually about which workshops on creative intimacy they would specifically like to see. What emerged between us and was put into words are gold pieces for me!
Here follows the first transcribed interview!
"Lust, passion, responsibility, fun, exuberance, tenseness, pleasure, discomfort, fear and feelings of happiness and rage and euphoria and security and calm and depth and company and crazy and yes... many things included and all of them touching and difficult to grasp."
- What is the difference for you between your artistic work and your sexual desire?
Yes, I ask myself that from time to time. The energy you get from sex or art is often very similar, both have a drive and you're so into it, and you don't want to stop it at all, it's the feeling of always wanting to stay with it... When something touches me aesthetically, for example - and this is a kitschy example - the sky when the sun goes down and it's so emerald green and it's emerald green through and through and you're on the highway and you see red and green lights and they match so well with this emerald sky... And that somehow excites me so much that I think: this could also be a sexual arousal.
I somehow have a spiritualized sexuality. So not much in the way of feeling secure and cuddling and warmth... more a bit fantastic and a bit more energetic and less cuddling and warm. Although somewhere I miss that too. And my art is also very spiritual. I also have a lot of physical exercise in my art, with lots of jumping around, screwing things together, cutting things off. But the physical work only serves what I want to realize in my mind. There is also a lot of artistry in BDSM play, for example.
- Is there anything you miss about your sexuality?
I used to talk very little about sex and then I started to change that and I want to cultivate it more so that it just becomes a part of me. But I think it's a work in progress, because once you start not saying much, you get into such a whirlpool and don't say anything at all.
It's like never slapping yourself on the wrist: Ah, I'm telling you!
I miss that in my sex life and it really affects my relationship. Things are different. When you talk about it, what seemed intangible becomes something tangible that you can play around with and have a lot of fun with. There is less danger of finding yourself in an unpleasant situation where you think you have no control. And you can live out more and try out more.
- How do you practise talking?
Every now and then, if I'm not happy with something, if I'm not coping well with a situation, I just say so straight out.
[...]
- How would it be if we each took it in turn to say one very specific thing that we would like to focus on in a workshop? What would we like to do? Where do we think we would like to find out more together with others? How can we do this well? You don't have to be completely honest now... Let's go!
I would like to be licked all night long. How do I get a person to lick me for 8 or 12 hours, depending on how long I sleep?
I would like men to kiss tenderly more often. A kissing workshop perhaps.
I would like a workshop for women to take more men for themselves - actually take ME! Take more for themselves...
I would wish for that too... female dominance actually. But in a LOVEFUL way, not like "fuck my boots". From the heart more...
I would also like to take a course on what it's like to be a dominatrix, because I don't think I'm suitable for it at all...
I would like to do more workshops - even if we are already doing them - where you can really wish for exactly what you want to happen. Tell someone what you want to happen and then, when it's done, you might experience: "Pff...so it's not working, the other person is doing it, but not with the right motivation..."
I think artful biting would be good.
Actually also saliva and drool workshops... a bit disgusting but actually also really cool.
I would like to see something on perfectionism. I often see this in our courses, that we instruct something and then people try it and then they immediately say: "I'm so bad! I did it so badly!" and I always think: "What! You did that for the first time! Don't be so hard on yourself". I'd like to tap into the fact that people are so self-flagellating and whip themselves into a frenzy, that it has to be spotless straight away and there's really little culture of mistakes. I'd like to bring lightness and friendliness into it.
I would like a workshop on: How do I approach people on the bus? ... A flirting workshop... but there are these stupid pickup artists that really suck! But...well...that's just something I can't do...
How to deal with "creepy old men" without immediately condemning them, because there are always people who are very unpleasant and there is then very quickly this impulse to go to someone else and complain: "Wow, that guy is so exhausting, that's not possible!" Indignation! But how can you deal with people directly? Without immediately saying: Demon, get away from me! I can also understand the indignation of the third party, but it would be really good for the men to find out, because I think they often don't even know that they're doing something shitty and I think they're often just lost and desperate.
[Edit: We fulfilled this wish ourselves:) ]Sex often has something repulsive for people... that might be another spiritual workshop... exploring interfaces: You get to a point where something is so pleasurable and so passionate and so horny and then you get to a point where it becomes horrible - and these are two levels that are so close to each other and then again so far away and I just find it terribly exciting what happens there... also that people find it attractive to shit on each other and that is just there and exists and I just find it super interesting how it comes about that such a passion arises. I would love to talk to someone who has a fetish like that and what it's like for them.
I would also like to do something bizarre and grotesque and disgusting and monstrous, because it's often more about the beautiful and holy and angelic...
...and then the angel poops on your stomach...
Yes!
Yes or also... it may not have to go that far, it may be enough to look: what facial expression do you put on? Do you have a trained "bedroom look"? And sexy poses... And doing the exact opposite, allowing yourself to be ugly and grimacing. I think that can be totally empowering and awesome.
[Edit: We also fulfilled this wish:) ]
I once modeled a bust of a friend with her orgasm expression... and then I photographed a lot of my friends having orgasms and I was so surprised because most of them looked exactly the same! Most of them had their heads slightly back, their eyes closed and their mouths open. And they were so similar, I switch through my photos and one looks like the other, only one has long hair, one is blonde, the other brunette... but then suddenly this photo of a friend of mine comes up and she has her eyes open and she's squinting slightly anyway and in the picture she's squinting even more and she also has her mouth completely open and looks really almost a bit scared, and that was like: wow! That's more how I imagined the faces would look. Although I have to admit, mine looked exactly the same as the others... maybe most of them look more like that after all...
But maybe it would be exciting to consciously make a different facial expression... always exactly the opposite of what you usually do. ...A workshop about expressions... bodyexpressions, voiceexpressions, gestures for sex... I think that a lot can be done, because just telling people: "take a conscious breath with your mouth open" is enough to make something completely different happen...
It took me a long time to let go during sex. Breathing helps me. It changed quite a lot in my sex life when I started to take an interest in breathing techniques. It helped me so much, even at more intense points, to just come back down completely and make a switch from intensity to calmness, which was such an interesting balance... I think a lot of people find it difficult to let go. Breathing has made it much more pleasurable and much more intense. That's very gratifying.
I don't know if people feel trapped and situations become so unnecessarily uncomfortable. Calmness can help you to grasp things more and become aware of what you want.Personally, it's not always easy for me to let go. It always depends on: Am I stressed at the moment? Who am I with at the moment? Maybe a situation is already sexy and hot, but there is no personal connection where I really want to show myself and let go. That might not even happen consciously, but letting go simply doesn't happen because there isn't that much trust. It's different with different people.
People also have reasons why they can't let go, it's not because they are so stupid, but holding on was actually once a clever survival strategy. It's clever of the body to hold on like that! And you can just make invitations for the body: "Hey, do you want to let go now? Okay, not yet... okay, maybe now..."
