Here is a fabulous description of the workshop as >> pdf.
"I wonder if that feels good?" "Do I look weird?" "Is he expecting that?" "Does it work like that?" "Is that what I want?" "Why doesn't she want it?" "How do I know what I want?" "How do I say that?" "Why is he doing this?" "Do they like it?" "Why can't I?" "Shouldn't we do it more often?" "Is that allowed?" "Where do I start?" "What do we do afterwards?"...
WHY THIS WORKSHOP
Hand on heart - or crotch: who has sex without a hitch? But why should it - sex is complex! And strange in the best sense of the word. But everyone acts as if it's clear how it works and what sex is all about. Right?
Or not? Because if you look around, it doesn't exactly look like erotic prosperity. Intimacy could mean taking part in life and sharing experiences that are uplifting, comforting or interesting. Instead, people compare themselves and perform. Looking good seems more important than feeling good. Some worry about their relationship because it's not working (anymore). Others ask what's wrong with them because they can't, won't or won't come. The solution: fix the symptoms? "Just do something exciting again! Watch less porn! Take these pills! 10 tips against the doldrums!" But will it help in the long term?
And even if it works, how well do you know your sexuality? Do you feel at home in it? Do you remain curious? Or does it just 'work'?
OUR PROPOSAL
Beherzt vorwärts scheitern <3
This weekend, problems* become muses that inspire. Companions who protect. They want to be heard and respected in order to transform. They demand: something has to change for us! Because it is probably not us who are disturbed, but our circumstances.
So where does the shoe really pinch?
*You can read whichproblems are meant in the disclaimer below
Our bodies are cleverly unruly. They don't submit to any plan of "good / normal" sex - as long as it's not in harmony with the way we tick.
What makes you tick? In other words: what are your own dynamics, who are you, how are you "built"?
Under what conditions do you flourish - almost by yourself, without the stressful urge to optimize?
What kind of sex would you invent that suits you (including any possibilities on the whole spectrum of asexuality or abstinence)?
Your sex may have nothing to do with what is commonly considered "sex". This may seem scary or exhausting. As social beings, many prefer to use the 'paint by numbers' principle instead of doing it themselves. "Just tell me what to do!". But that's missing the point...
HOW WE HELP YOU DISCOVER, THRIVE AND EXPLORE
On your own, you can despair of difficulties and challenges. To accept them as an opportunity and a valuable resource, you need
- informed and empathetically held spaces of experience for engaging with what is. For sensing, reflecting and categorizing
- Playgrounds for trying out unusual practices, for adopting different perspectives and for large and small visions of how things could be different
- attentive groups that do not gloss over, but instead take a sincere look and want to learn together
In a benevolent, curious and playful way, we explore what the deeper, still hidden levels and themes of our problems are, what they point us to and what space of possibility opens up within them.
How does the problem feel in your body? How can you move it? How does it want to express itself? What would it say? What needs does it express?
METHODS
The exercises take place both alone and in exchange with others - always in such a way that everyone involved agrees.
The instructions are clearly communicated and make it clear what the purpose of the exercises is.
Various options are suggested for implementing exercises. It is always possible to take a break.
Our work is inspired by systemic, experiential and body-oriented psychotherapy, improvisational arts, BDSM, authentic relating, embodiment and critical theory.
Among other things, we will do the following:
- Mindfulness exercises that allow you to physically perceive the problem, including its intelligence but also its discomfort ("felt sensing")
- Kinky play arrangements and interactions that broaden the field of sexuality and sensitize for sensuality, eroticism and power dynamics
- Reflecting on typical behavioral patterns and subsequent somatic exercises that activate the nervous system differently than usual: Rest when otherwise tense; activation when otherwise 'collapsed'
- Embodiment in scenic constellations to give the problem a direct form and enter into dialog with it
- Creative writing and sketching to find new, own or more precise words and images for the topic
- Body Mapping / Pleasure Mapping, which allows sensations to be located in the body beyond traditional, social definitions
- Betty Martin's Wheel of Consent lets you try out different qualities of touch and inner attitudes
- Reflecting on recurring fantasies (Core Erotic Fantasies) and the needs and internalized beliefs expressed in them
- Tracking down our personal turn-ons and becoming aware of which contexts/circumstances/conditions we need for our sense of security and therefore pleasure
*DISCLAIMER
- Problems are defined by the fact that they are unpleasant, cause worry, etc. However, you should be able to tolerate the potential pressure of suffering in order to be able to devote yourself to it in the course. We do not provide solutions, but expand perspectives and possibilities (reframing, re-imagining, reinterpreting). If this is not possible for you because you want to get rid of the problem as quickly as possible and at all costs, it is not advisable to take part in the course.
- There are problems on a purely somatic-physical level that can and should be treated medically. This course will in no way replace such treatment. However, we can guide you in how you want to deal with, evaluate and live with the symptoms and treatments. This is never about bypassing, which distracts from existing feelings and sensations, but about creative integration of what is.
- We do not provide psychologically based help, but offer an exploration space for the rather widespread discrepancies and difficulties with sex / non-sex with expertise in bodywork and social analysis
- Paraphilias are not appropriate problems for this course (Content Note: Violence → Paraphilias = sexual reference to non-consensual living beings as well as non-consensual tormenting, humiliating, overpowering, harassing or involving in sexual activities)
- Untreated trauma is not a suitable problem for this course.
We speak of trauma above all when the experienced violence could not be processed and integrated. If the traumatic event has not yet been treated therapeutically, participation in the course is not recommended.
However, participation is possible if the topic has already been addressed and you feel psychologically stable enough to be able to integrate it into our course as part of your own biography. At no point during the course will we as workshop leaders explicitly ask about traumatic experiences in order to avoid the risk of overwhelming feelings and re-traumatization. We work in a trauma-sensitive way, but do not offer trauma therapy.
- Also unsuitable for this course are self-assessments as incels ("involuntary celibates"), whose frustration goes hand in hand with the offended sense of entitlement that they are entitled to sex.
- However, involuntary celibates who do not have an attitude of entitlement to the bodies of others and who want to deal with the associated feelings (such as possible frustration, disappointment, inferiority, irritation, insecurity, etc.) in a curious and open-minded way are very welcome.
- You don't have to have a big problem and are very welcome with your little "cracks" or simply with your questions, your curiosity, your amazement!
- Your problems can relate to your personal sex life, but they can also relate to social understandings and norms of sex that you have difficulties with. It is also possible to work on problems in certain constellations (e.g. problems within the relationship sex)
- Here is an incomplete list of possible problems that could lead you to us:
The feeling: there must be more! Or the question "What else is possible?" "What am I missing?" / pressure of expectations / performance expectations / dissatisfaction / listlessness / insecurity / shame / shyness / embarrassment / disgust / boredom / inhibitions / weariness / stress / pessimism / frustration / annoyance / dissatisfaction / discouragement / confusion / feeling rejected or fear of being rejected / awkwardness / feeling lost (e.g. uncertainty about which sexual identity, orientation or preferences suit you) / lack of drive / lack of communication skills ("how do I find out and say what I (don't) want?") / various "functional disorders" according to the MSD medical manual ("disorders" or "deficiencies" in relation to libido, appetence, arousal, erection, orgasm, ejaculation, vaginismus, moisture, pain, etc.) / overstrain / numbness / feeling of being unable to communicate with others ("how do I find out and say what I (don't) want?").) / overstrain / numbness / dissociation / staleness / overstimulation / oversexed and underfucked / incompatibility / different ideas or needs in relationships / inexperience / longing / lack of sex ( → e.g. you want more/different/again sex, or you haven't had sex for a long time and think you're out of practice or fear you'll never have it again, ...) / questioning your own asexual spectrum / FOMO (fear of missing out) / awkwardness / feeling weird / incompetence/non-sovereignty / self-doubt ("I'm not bringing" "I'm probably bad in bed" "I'm not queer enough" "he'll leave me if I don't...") / jealousy / envy / comparing yourself / low sexual capital in a patriarchal society / fear of only being used by others / hypersexuality / "sex addiction" / questioning your own needs behind sex (does this possibly compensate for something? compensating for something?) / blockages / perfectionism / lack of imagination / repression / internalized and limiting beliefs or convictions / search for new shores, possibilities, definitions / wanting to cultivate more pleasure / lack of security or commitment during sex / feeling unlovable when... / wanting to save yourself / having different ideas than the majority of society / feelings of alienation / sex is given huge importance, which is a burden / high tension during sex / tenseness / ingrained behavior patterns during sex / cognitive constriction/stiffening (it only works if you meticulously do XYZ and you want more options) / ingrained routines / people pleasing / selfishness / giving too much / not receiving or not being able or wanting to treat yourself / not being able or wanting to treat or give others anything / not knowing what you want / exhaustion / wanting to get rid of well-rehearsed roles (do I always have to be the wild stallion? Who else can I be?) / feeling asexual / feeling too sexual / not being aware of your own motivations for sex ("Why am I having sex?") / not knowing how to do it (properly) / expandable skill set / resentment / being "overly intellectual" / sabotage / wanting deeper intimacy / avoidance / ...
THE HOSTS
BEATE ABSALON
is a cultural theorist with a background in various somatic disciplines. Her work explores the ambivalence of modern sexual cultures. She has been a research fellow at various cultural studies institutions and is writing her doctoral thesis on practices of negotiating consensual sex. In 2024, she published her non-fiction book Not giving a fuck. Von lustlosem Sex und sexloser Lust: Gesellschaftlichen Zwang überwinden und lebendige Intimität finden (Kremayr&Scheriau). In it, she argues that the pressure to have great sex can be safely shaken off, while a curious and benevolent attitude towards listlessness, shame, boredom, "dry spells", feminist celibacy or asexuality can open up exciting new forms of intimacy. She is currently training as a couples and sex therapist. As a psychosocial counselor and workshop leader, she believes in the power of eroticism - which often reveals itself most clearly in moments of "failure". Her practice encourages self-determination and invites people to approach themselves with greater seriousness as well as more playfulness.
Photo: Pauline Massimo
REBECCA FRANCES
studied languages at Cambridge University and now focuses on how bodies speak. As a coach, yoga teacher and breath therapist, she asks how a fulfilling and pleasurable life can succeed in which crises, illness, incapacity, pain and grief are inevitable. She has trained in Sexological Bodywork at ISB Berlin, over 600 hours of massage, breath and bodywork training (David Lutt, Thai Massage Circus, Kaline Kelly, Daniel Odier, Martin Beaudoin), over 400 hours of RYT yoga teacher training (Surinder Ji, Lizzie and Judith Lasater, Rajiv Chanchani), has experience in studying tantric massage, conscious sexual practices and BDSM, is an advanced student of Taoist practices. She is also interested in philosophical and poetic approaches to the somatic. In her practical, creative and experimental physical practices, she uses her intellectual background and professional interests to further explore what exactly happens when bodies touch and why we want or don't want it so much.
SCHEDULE
Sat, July 18, 2026 -10pm
Sun, July 19, 2025 - 11 a.m. to 6 p.m.
On both days: 11 a.m. soft arrival for 11:15 a.m. start
LANGUAGES
English, German
GUEST HOSTS
Beata & Rebecca Frances
Choose your ticket price according to your self-assessment.
With the low(er) income tickets, we also want to give low-income earners the opportunity to attend our events.
We cordially invite high earners to make it with a higher contribution possible for us to make this offer.
We would like to thank you in advance for your solidarity.
For people with particularly low incomes, there are usually additional options for even lower prices.
Please do not hesitate to write to us and ask. We would be delighted if you could join us!
PRICE PER PERSON
: EUR 350.00
Low(er) Income Tickets
I – EUR 300.00
II – EUR 250.00
III – EUR 200.00
High(er) Income Tickets
e I – EUR 400.00
e II – EUR 450.00
e III – EUR 500.00
Please also read all further info below, too.
Further informations
NOTES ON THE EVENT
Our events are about learning and exploring together as a group, promoting shared processes and personal development. Participants should generally be open to working with other participants in the exercises, regardless of their gender or appearance, etc., but exceptions can always be discussed. However, exceptions can always be discussed as we want to create a safer and bolder space where all participants feel as included as possible, but not entitled. Where people are generous with each other, but not complacent. In which preconceptions are reconsidered and deconstructed while respecting gut feelings.
Gender identity, sexual or amorous orientation as well as sexual preferences, age or membership of marginalized groups such as BBIPoC, migration background, refugee experience, LGBTQIA+, people with disabilities, etc. are not criteria for the registration and selection of participants.
We do our best to meet different needs, but our resources are limited. If in doubt, please contact us!
The IKSK workshop room is wheelchair accessible, but the showers and toilets in the room are only accessible via a few steps. However, the outdoor area of the Holzmarkt has appropriate facilities.
We expect respectful interaction in which needs are communicated, interactions are based on mutual consent and experiences are treated confidentially. We ask you to refrain from prejudices and to ask respectful questions rather than making assumptions about the preferences of other participants.
We support and encourage people to respect not only the boundaries of others, but also their own boundaries. Participation in the course content is at your own risk.
The workshop languages are English and German - depending on the needs of the participants, we will translate exercises and arrange groups so that everyone can interact in the language they can/want to speak.
The workshop must be attended sober.
Hate speech will not be tolerated.
We reserve the right to exclude participants whose behavior is hurtful or too problematic from the workshop without giving a reason - although we will probably try to explain our decision. The workshop fees will then be refunded in full. Further claims are excluded.
CANCELLATION POLICY
Cancellations are free of charge up to eight weeks before the start of the course. Up to four weeks before the start of the course, a cancellation fee of 20% of the course fee is payable, and up to two weeks before the start of the course, a cancellation fee of 50% is payable. Later cancellations and refunds of participant fees are not possible. However, participants can find replacement participants to take the places they have booked. There are no special regulations for non-participation due to illness. We refer you to ticket insurance options—google "ticket insurance," "Ergo," "Hanse-Merkur," or similar. In general, we strive to find accommodating solutions in such cases. If necessary, please contact us with a personal message. In the event of cancellation by the organizers, the course fee will be refunded in full. Further claims are excluded.