My First Time
This account was written by a participant following the FLINTA* orgy at Ewaldshof.
I was immediately curious when I heard about it. And of course, I felt a certain hesitation: What will I encounter? What will be expected of me? How open am I really? How much physical intimacy can I even allow with people I don’t know? How much nudity, for that matter? Am I actually totally uptight? Am I starting to get too old for this kind of thing?
Will I know and respect my boundaries?
The detailed email I received in advance from Beate (Beate Absalon, workshop leader and author of “Don’t Give a Fuck”) had already made me feel a lot better.
The word “slowness” came up in it and had a very calming effect on me. The thorough information about consent and safer sex, combined with the request for everyone to learn more about these topics, provided additional reassurance, and the entire tone was so warm, welcoming, and inviting that I got the feeling: Okay, this could be a door opener, a low-barrier entry into a world that’s foreign to me but appealing…
So come on: Take the plunge and don’t let this opportunity slip by! To be honest, I wasn’t sure if I was really going until the moment I set off, which is why I arrived just in time—something I really hate, not having a moment to settle in before things get started. Still, I quickly hopped in the shower and then headed into the unknown.
And then, during the introductions, I realized that I’m not alone at all in my insecurities. Almost everyone has their own, and they’re so different: “Orgy”—what does that even mean? Sex with strangers?
Only FLINTA*, how does that work? What if I’m not very good at communicating and interpreting nonverbally? What if I can’t talk about this kind of thing well? What if I’m distracted by noises or conversations or laughter or onlookers? What exactly is a “licking cloth”?
And how warmly, calmly, and playfully we were welcomed!
There was a lot of laughter, sometimes really silly, a bit like teenagers.
And then there were these bodies, so different, and the chance to reveal as much of ourselves as each of us wanted, at our own pace. Everything felt completely natural, relaxed, cautious, and yet boldly exploratory. Step by step, and sometimes even a step back. Getting closer to ourselves and to each other, and just like that—we were a group, like a single, large organism (including the occasional orgasm ;o) It felt good to sense closeness, to let boundaries blur, to realize that everyone was looking out for one another.
For me, “no cis men” meant not falling into learned patterns,
Having to protect myself, setting boundaries, demands, justifications (even just to myself)—not “giving in” or, on the other hand, “giving in”—and sometimes not even being able to tell the difference anymore: what do I want, what does he want? There was a natural sense of mindfulness in the room that required no explanation, no justification.
Initial fear and shame gave way to relaxation, desire, pleasure, trust, and joy.
Who would have thought that hearing others moan with pleasure could be so arousing? And that it’s not scary at all to touch many bodies at once, to no longer know where one begins and the other ends.
And the realization that everything is okay, that I don’t have to do anything but am allowed to do so much, that we were able to learn together how to be sure that everyone is just doing what they want. And WHAT I suddenly wanted so much there… And how quickly all that jumble of learned nonsense simply disappears in a space like that, becomes unimportant. And so obviously stupid. Temporary unlearning. Perhaps one step closer to a general, lasting unlearning. Toward self-determined, because de-tabooed and more beautiful, consensual, pleasurable sexuality.
Highly recommended for anyone who is curious, unsure, or shy:
This is a beautiful, very accessible space for unique experiences filled with care, acceptance, and humor. It’s an experience I won’t forget anytime soon and definitely wouldn’t want to miss.
Go for it!
