My First Time
This first-hand account was written by a participant following the FLINTA* orgy at the Ewaldshof.
It piqued my curiosity right away when I heard about it. And of course, I felt a certain hesitation: What’s in store for me? What’s expected of me? How open am I really? How much physical closeness can I even allow with people I don’t know? How much nudity, for that matter? Am I totally uptight after all? Aren’t I getting a little too old for this kind of thing?
Will I know and respect my boundaries?
The detailed email I received in advance from Beate (Beate Absalon, workshop leader and author of “Don’t Give a Fuck”) had already helped me process a great deal.
The word “slowness” came up in it and had a very calming effect on me. The thorough information about consent and safer sex, combined with the request for everyone to learn more about these topics, provided additional reassurance, and the entire tone was so warm, welcoming, and inviting that I got the feeling: Okay, this could be a gateway, a low-barrier entry into a world that’s unfamiliar to me but alluring…
So come on: Take the plunge and don’t let this opportunity slip by! To be honest, I wasn’t sure if I was really going until the moment I set off, which is why I arrived just in time—something I really can’t stand: not having any time to settle in before things get started. Still, I quickly hopped in the shower and then headed off into the unknown.
And then, during the introductions, I realized that I’m not alone at all in my insecurities. Almost everyone has their own, and they’re so different: “Orgy”—what does that even mean? Sex with strangers?
Only FLINTA*—how does that work? What if I’m not very good at communicating and interpreting nonverbally? What if I’m not good at talking about this kind of thing? What if I get distracted by noises or conversations or laughter or onlookers? What exactly is a “licking cloth”?
And what a warm, relaxed, and playful welcome we received!
There was a lot of laughter—sometimes really silly, a bit like teenagers.
And then there were these bodies, so different, and the chance to reveal as much of ourselves as each of us wanted, at our own pace. Everything felt completely natural—relaxed, cautious, yet boldly exploratory. Step by step, and sometimes even a step back. We drew closer to ourselves and to one another, and just like that—we were a group, like one big organism (including the occasional orgasm ;o). It felt good to sense that closeness, to let boundaries blur, to realize that everyone was looking out for one another.
For me, “no cis men” meant not falling into learned patterns,
Having to protect myself, setting boundaries, demands, justifications (even if only to myself)—not “giving in” or, on the contrary, “giving in”—and sometimes not even being able to tell the difference anymore between what I want and what he wants. There was a natural sense of mindfulness in the room that required no explanation or justification.
Initial fear and shame gave way to relaxation, desire, pleasure, trust, and joy.
Who would have thought that hearing others’ pleasurable moans could be so arousing? And that it’s not scary at all to touch many bodies at once, to no longer know where one begins and the other ends.
And the realization that everything is okay, that I don’t have to do anything but am allowed to do so much, that we were able to learn together how to be sure that everyone is just doing what they want. And WHAT I suddenly wanted so badly there… And how quickly all that jumble of ingrained nonsense simply vanishes in a space like that, becoming unimportant. And so obviously ridiculous. Temporary re-learning. Perhaps one more step toward a general, lasting re-learning. Toward self-determined, because it’s no longer taboo, and more beautiful, consensual, pleasurable sexuality.
Highly recommended for anyone who is curious, unsure, or shy:
This is a beautiful, very accessible space for unique experiences filled with care, acceptance, and humor. It’s an experience I won’t forget anytime soon—and one I definitely wouldn’t want to miss.
Go for it!
