Workshop on Sexuality. Part III
In 2021, the Institute for Cultural Inquiry in Berlin hosted a conference titled “The Workshop—Investigations Into an Artistic-Political Format,” the content of which shed wonderful light on the internal logic of sex-positive workshops and their influence on a particular understanding of sexuality. Presentations explored all the wonderful promises of workshop culture: solution-oriented collaboration, the solidarity-based sharing of resources and knowledge, and wild possibilities for mind-expanding experiences through meditation exercises, psychological self-observation techniques, improvisation, or orgy experiments... According to the conference description, workshops are considered “a highly adaptable and almost universally applicable framework for collective endeavors.” This turns sex into something that doesn’t have to happen so enigmatically behind private bedroom doors. Here, people are free to watch, observe, ask questions, help one another, and experience things that are logistically impossible in a private bedroom—simply because morehuman resourcesgather in workshops.
The “Sexuality” workshop thus has a demystifying effect—in both the best and worst senses. When you compare yourself directly to others, you see that they’re just like everyone else. And that intimacy can somehow be experienced in a camaraderie-like way—meaning it doesn’t have to be so heavily laden with symbolic significance surrounding romance or drama. This lightheartedness is a relief and a break from rigid patterns. Sometimes, though, it makes the whole thing feel soberingly technical or trivial. It’s as if a bright light were turned on in the bedroom. Finally! But also: Yikes! Or even: Ugh! And: Eww! Some things can no longer be ignored, and it can seem as though, by shedding light on one’s (own) sexuality, it somehow vanishes. After all, what one observes changes simply by the act of observing it. Then, perhaps against one’s better judgment, one finds oneself longing for the simplicity of bygone days, free from self-monitoring.
If we stick with the metaphor of light, then desire and arousal in “dim candlelight” sexualities tend to follow the principle of suggestion and allusion, exclusivity and privacy, as well as the thrill of the forbidden. These forms of seduction or stimulation are something that workshop-based sexual encounters can hardly offer—or even tolerate—because they rely on transparent communication within a group setting grounded in trust and responsibility. Here, turn-ons are more likely sparked by overcoming ambiguities, creating clarity, and filling in previous gaps in knowledge. Myths give way to facts, and what was previously unsettling and unknown becomes more accessible and manageable. “I wasn’t sure if she wanted to do the massage exchange with me, but during the Authentic Relating exercise on direct communication, she not only explicitly agreed but also gave me pointers on her no-gos, which in turn helps me feel less awkward. Awesome!”
Because workshops bring together many people who were strangers just moments before but then share extraordinary experiences, open up to one another, encounter each other’s vulnerabilities and enthusiasm, and form bonds, a warm, almost utopian sense of community can emerge. Just think of all that’s possible! That’s the good life! Tribe! Community!
And then it’s over. And when there’s no longer a shared commitment, nothing really holds you together anymore. Full of hope, an email list or a Telegram chat is created. The next day, you feel like you have a hangover, but the chat offers comfort. After a few days, though, it already feels like spam. Who are these people??
A beautifully iridescent soap bubble—popped. In hindsight, you realize that the experiences were so moving because they took place in that self-contained bubble, which is hard to recreate in everyday life.>> By the way, a zine on our blog offers advice on dealing with post-workshop depression.
The intimate interactions among participants differ from relationships and sexualities in which people seek to commit to one another over the long term. And the fact that the workshop feels so warm and connected so quickly is, of course, intentional on the part of the organizers and designed accordingly. One could also say it’s simulated—but that doesn’t make the experiences any less real or valuable! If you’re aware of the highly stylized nature of workshop formats, you can draw precisely on that to unlock their unique potential. False expectations, projections, disappointments, confusion, and frustration can also be avoided.
Last but not least, the whole thing is ultimately an economic endeavor. Workshop sexuality is thus related to sex work sexuality. Workshop participants pay for their experience. The facilitators are doing paid service work; they put in the effort and prepare the content. All of this influences the attitude with which everyone present approaches the matter. It’s safe to assume that everyone is here voluntarily, for their own enjoyment, because they generally have an initial interest in the workshop topic and want to experience what’s being offered. Of course, participants also bring with them hesitant, skeptical, and resistant attitudes, and there’s always the option to take a break, drop out, or cancel. Generally, however, there is an atmosphere of openness and willingness in workshops. This naturally influences interactions—for example, when more people suddenly join in on exercises with you. And one reason for this is money. This is especially true when a mindset sets in that what you’ve paid for and set aside an entire weekend for has to be worth it.
Other consequences of this are that only those who can afford it participate, and that among those who can afford it, a consumerist mindset with a low tolerance for discomfort can sometimes take hold. These are the participants who don’t want to make much of an effort and expect special service when they pay a lot.
All of this has an impact, and it cannot be expected of participants whose love lives are outside the workshop context.
There's still a Part IV to come—coming soon...
