Workshop on Sexuality. Part IV
The last blog post mentioned the cultural studies conference “The Workshop—Investigations Into an Artistic-Political Format” at ici Berlin, where workshops were also examined in terms of their distinctly artistic and performative aspects. Similarly, sex-positive workshops are a kind of performance or social sculpture that follow choreographed sequences. Many theater terms apply here: a specific way of interacting isrehearsed, skills arepracticed, and ritualsare performed. This shapes workshop sexuality as an*ars erotica*. Here, there’s no need to follow mainstream patterns of sex; here, one becomes the architect of one’s own sophisticated, original sexuality. There are no limits to imagination and creativity.
At the same time, workshops stand out because, while they can break through everyday social scripts, they then become trapped by their own when they train bodies—almost eerily—to follow the same patterns of expression over and over again. I love listening to my friend Becky when she says she can’t stand it anymore when people in workshops say, “Feel into your body,” whereupon everyone—EVERYONE—starts swaying gently like seaweed and letting out that very specific “Haaaaaah!” sigh. Do we do this because it’s the truest, most genuine, best, and most authentic way to feel into our bodies? Or do we do this because it’s somehow become the play we act out in workshops, and unquestioned habits have crept in there?
This process could be compared to porn, in which biting one’s lip or moaning “fuck” is meant to signify arousal—and this code for “arousal” then creeps into our private sex lives as well. Here, too, we might ask whether we moan “fuck” because we’re (consciously or unconsciously) imitating porn, or whether porn simply represents “real sex” (spoiler: there’s plenty of evidence against the latter). And so a limited repertoire of workshop gestures shapes the way we express intimacy: placing the palm of one’s hand on one’s own chest becomes a seemingly universal sign of tuning into one’s feelings. Using the “thumbs-up” system replaces the negotiation of mutual consent. Sharing circles are a must because they symbolize cohesion and emotional processing. When everyone walks around the room, it signifies arrival and getting to know one another, signaling: “Here we go.” Having everyone breathe in and out together loudly and deeply represents the processing of heavy emotional energy in the room. Yet in workshops, the prompt “Feel into your body” could be met with a pornographic lick of the tongue across the lips, and in porn, arousal could be staged through gentle rocking and the enumeration of bodily sensations.
Whether sharing circles, the Wheel of Consent, or breathing together are actually the most suitable tools for their intended purpose seems, in the worst-case scenario, unfortunately secondary, because these codes have already spread and become entrenched as a matter of course and are simply reeled off in a “just take…” recipe format. At times, sharing circles, for example, seem to serve a completely differenthidden agenda—such as giving facilitators the chance to sit back and take a break… but I digress.
Of course, discussion sessions can be valuable and helpful, just like the other tools. But they can also be empty formalities that people engage in simply because that’s what’s expected, rather than because they make sense.
The difference isn't always easy to spot; it might be easier to recognize outside of workshops—for example, when a casual partner in a club bathroom probably doesn't know what to make of the "orange" traffic-light system code at first, or doesn't want to feel obligated to provide aftercare afterward.
Well, it’s certainly no surprise that there’s some friction when trying to apply the “workshop sexuality” techniques to casual or partner sex. I’d be more curious to see what happens when it actually works! Who stands in the bedroom with their sweetheart right before sex and shakes their bodies together? Who walks around the room with their crush first, then stands in front of them, looks each other in the eyes, and recites a formulaic sentence from an Authentic Relating handbook? Who gives feedback on the quality of touch while cruising? Who takes a 10-minute bathroom and snack break while masturbating, and then gets right back to the fapping routine?
The + after LGBTQIA+ sparks the imagination: Do you identify as W, as in “workshop-sexual”?
