Workshop on Sexuality. Part IV
The last blog post mentioned the cultural studies conference “The Workshop—Investigations Into an Artistic-Political Format” at ici Berlin, where workshops were also examined for their distinctly artistic and performative aspects. Similarly, sex-positive workshops are a kind of performance or social sculpture that follows choreographies. Many theatrical concepts apply here: a specific way of interacting isrehearsed, skills arepracticed, ritualsare performed. This shapes workshop sexuality as anars erotica. Here, one need not follow mainstream patterns of sex; here, one becomes the architect of one’s own sophisticated, original sexuality. There are no limits to imagination and creativity.
At the same time, workshops stand out because, while they can break through everyday social scripts, they then become trapped by their own when they train bodies—almost eerily—to follow the same patterns of expression over and over again. I love listening to my friend Becky talk about how she can’t stand it anymore when people in workshops say “Feel into your body,” whereupon everyone, EVERYONE, starts swaying gently like seaweed and letting out that very specific “Haaaaaah!” sigh. Do we do this because it’s the truest, most genuine, best, most authentic way to feel into our bodies? Or do we do this because it’s somehow become the play we perform in workshops, and unquestioned habits have crept in there?
This process could be compared to porn, where biting one’s lip or moaning “fuck” is meant to signify arousal—and this code for “arousal” then creeps into our private sex lives as well. Here, too, one might ask whether we moan “fuck” because we (consciously or unconsciously) mimic porn, or whether porn simply represents “real sex” (spoiler: there’s plenty of evidence against the latter being true). And so a manageable catalog of workshop gestures shapes the way we express intimacy: placing the palm of one’s hand on one’s own chest becomes the seemingly universal sign of tuning in. Using the Ampsel system replaces the negotiation of consent. Sharing circles are a must because they symbolize cohesion and processing. When everyone walks around the room, it signifies arrival and getting to know one another and signals: here we go. Having everyone breathe in and out loudly and deeply together represents the processing of heavy emotional frequencies in the room. In workshops, however, the phrase “Feel into your body” could be met with a pornographic lick of the tongue over the lips, and in porn, arousal could be staged through gentle rocking and the enumeration of bodily sensations.
Whether sharing circles, the Wheel of Consent, or guided breathing are actually the most suitable tools for the intended purpose seems, in the worst-case scenario, to be of secondary importance, because these practices have already become so ingrained and taken for granted that they’re simply reeled off in a “just follow these steps” recipe format. In fact, sharing circles, for example, sometimes seem to serve a completely differenthidden agenda—such as giving facilitators the chance to sit back and take a break… but I digress.
Of course, discussion sessions can be valuable and helpful, just like other tools. But they can also be empty formalities that people go through the motions of just because that’s what’s expected, rather than because they make sense.
The difference isn't always easy to spot; it might be clearer outside of workshops—for example, when a casual partner in a club bathroom probably doesn't understand the "orange" signal in the traffic-light system at first, or doesn't want to feel obligated to provide aftercare afterward.
Well, it’s no surprise, of course, that things get a bit awkward when you try to apply the techniques from a sexuality workshop to casual or partner sex. I’d be more curious to know what happens when it actually works! Who stands in the bedroom with their sweetheart right before sex and shakes their bodies together? Who first walks around the room with their crush, then stands in front of them, looks each other in the eyes, and recites a formalized sentence from an Authentic Relating handbook? Who gives feedback on the quality of touch while cruising? Who takes a 10-minute pee and snack break while masturbating and then gets back to the fapping program?
The "+" after LGBTQIA+ sparks the imagination: do you identify as "W" for "workshop-sexual"?
