THE PILLOW BLOG

 

Somatic Disembodiment – Or: How do I figure out what I want (and that it’s actually what I don’t want)? Or: My favorite workshops are the ones that turn workshops upside down
Beate Absalon Beate Absalon

Somatic Disembodiment – Or: How do I figure out what I want (and that it’s actually what I don’t want)? Or: My favorite workshops are the ones that turn workshops upside down

“We’ll begin with a short meditation in which we reflect on states of mind that are not focused on pleasure and satisfaction. Our aim is to reflect on the nature of desire and ask whether our desire has much more to do with self-denial than with self-fulfillment.”

 

There it is! The note I've been looking for...

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I'm sorry about the sex
Luhmen d'Arc Luhmen d'Arc

I'm sorry about the sex

Pamela Russmann: The myGiulia theme for August is “What a feeling.” What feeling do you associate with sex? Beate Absalon:
In English, I would say “anticipation,” which, unfortunately, is usually translated as “Vorfreude” in German. But in the English sense of this spellbound state of expectation, both can exist at the same time: joy and fear. And what I like about the word “anticipation” is that it refers to a state that hasn’t happened yet. I associate that with sex, too—this endless circling around something that somehow can’t quite be grasped.

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"I do wonder: Why do I make people up?"
Luhmen d'Arc Luhmen d'Arc

"I do wonder: Why do I make people up?"

Jade gently picks up a pink silicone cake mold shaped like half a brain. Inside is a thin white layer, which Jade carefully scrapes out and collects in a small vial. Then we turn on the microphone and ask what Jade is doing and why :) With this audio series, we’d like to introduce you to people you can learn from when it comes to the question: What do you actually do in a playspace? After all, playspaces come with plenty of challenges. How do I connect with people? What should I pack? Should I plan something in advance or just see what happens on the spot? We were lucky to have Jade…

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Workshop on Sexuality. Part I
Beate Absalon Beate Absalon

Workshop on Sexuality. Part I

Sexuality in a committed relationship works differently than casual hook-up sexuality. This distinction can help you address relationship problems and avoid frustration if you expect that, after a trip to IKEA with your spouse, things in bed should be just as passionate as they are with a mysterious guy you picked up at a jazz bar. Similarly, teenage sexuality works differently than adult sexuality. This distinction helps you adapt your knowledge of sex education to this new phase of life and avoid stress when you expect body parts to become erect and lubricated just as easily as they did when you were…

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Workshop on Sexuality. Part II
Beate Absalon Beate Absalon

Workshop on Sexuality. Part II

We’ll continue by trying to figure out how “workshop sexuality” differs from other forms of sexuality. In Part I, we concluded that workshops are structured around a didactic framework, follow a plan, and prescribe certain rules and etiquette. For this reason, the claim that workshops break social norms is only partially true. As is so often the case, breaking with the norm here does not simply mean a departure from norms, but rather the establishment of a new norm. In our society, for example, it is “normal” in the sense of “common” for sex to take place largely nonverbally. And this doesn’t mean the absence of dirty talk, but rather an honest and respectful exchange about what one likes and what one doesn’t. In sex-positive workshops, on the other hand…

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Workshop on Sexuality. Part III
Beate Absalon Beate Absalon

Workshop on Sexuality. Part III

In 2021, the Institute for Cultural Inquiry in Berlin hosted a conference titled “The Workshop—Investigations Into an Artistic-Political Format,” the content of which shed wonderful light on the internal logic of sex-positive workshops and their influence on a particular understanding of sexuality. Presentations explored all the wonderful promises of workshop culture: solution-oriented collaboration, the solidarity-based sharing of resources and knowledge, and mind-blowing opportunities for mind-expanding experiences through meditation exercises, psychological self-observation techniques, improvisation, or orgies… According to the conference description, workshops are considered “highly adaptable and almost universally applicable…”

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Workshop on Sexuality. Part IV
Beate Absalon Beate Absalon

Workshop on Sexuality. Part IV

The last blog post mentioned the cultural studies conference “The Workshop—Investigations Into an Artistic-Political Format” at ici Berlin, where workshops were also examined in terms of their distinctly artistic and performative aspects. Similarly, sex-positive workshops are a kind of performance or social sculpture that follow choreographed sequences. Many theatrical concepts apply here: a specific form of interaction is rehearsed, skills are practiced, and rituals are performed. This shapes workshop sexuality as an ars erotica. Here, it is not necessary to…

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Salt with a Dash of Tantra
Beate Absalon Beate Absalon

Salt with a Dash of Tantra

“It’s like opening Pandora’s box”—that’s how one participant described her experience at our retreat, TANTRA WITH A PINCH OF SALT. The things that come to the surface once you stop taking things for granted. Like when I took part in my first Tantra workshops, I just took for granted what the teachers told me… For example, that we were engaging in authentic tantric practices by giving massages. And then, on the first evening of our retreat, we learned in Eva Hanson’s lecture that those massages were actually never part of tantric philosophy or spirituality…

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Calling a Sex-Positive Community, Group, or Event a “Family”—and Why It’s a Red Flag—New Zine by Beata
Beate Absalon Beate Absalon

Calling a Sex-Positive Community, Group, or Event a “Family”—and Why It’s a Red Flag—New Zine by Beata

Over the many years we've been visiting or being part of various sex-positive communities, there's been one word that has made our whole bodies cringe and feel alarmed. It's "family." Fa-mi-ly. It’s supposed to sound nice, right? It gives a comforting sense of community. It’s just a harmless way to spread good vibes. To foster camaraderie. To let you know: You’re welcome here! You’re one of us! Gooblegubble—one of us!…

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How exactly do you even play in so-called sex-positive spaces, and is it really just about sex, or is it actually about something else too—but what do you call that?
Beate Absalon Beate Absalon

How exactly do you even play in so-called sex-positive spaces, and is it really just about sex, or is it actually about something else too—but what do you call that?

While walking with a friend, we talk about my perception and experience of the so-called sex-positive spaces - out of her open curiosity, as she has not yet experienced these spaces first-hand. I start by describing a bit of the 'infrastructure': how it all started for me in the first place, how I first stumbled into a workshop by chance at a dance school where ropes and floggers were also used, how I then met Schwelle7 and Matís, whom I told about writing my master's thesis on Shibari and who then recruited me as an assistant for a bondage course in no time at all. Finally, the more difficult part, trying to describe what interests me about the rooms in the first place. I mention the classics that many people in the "scene" report about. How liberating it is to let people...

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Intimate Interviews, Part II
Beate Absalon Beate Absalon

Intimate Interviews, Part II

Last year, we had the pleasure of interviewing wonderful and talented people about everything that also occupies our minds in our work. To start things off, we pampered our interviewees with a bodywork session of their choice so we could get the conversation flowing with a healthy rush of energy. We’d prepared many questions—some of which came up repeatedly, while others arose spontaneously. So the conversations usually began with a free association exercise on the topic of “sex”—simply saying whatever first came to mind, without thinking. And toward the end, the focus was usually on what specific workshops on creative intimacy they would like to see. What emerged between us during these conversations and was put into words is, to me, pure gold! Here is the second transcribed interview!

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Video interview by the Goethe-Institut China with Beata on “Pornography & Society”
Beate Absalon Beate Absalon

Video interview by the Goethe-Institut China with Beata on “Pornography & Society”

What materials can help us get to the bottom of the elusive nature of sexuality? How are our bodies and their desires entangled in power dynamics—and how do we deal with that? Alone or with others? Publicly or privately? By emphasizing the beautiful or the difficult aspects? Through play or seriousness? By being sweet or angry? Do we even have to decide—and why is it always so much about deciding “This is good and this is bad!” when it comes to sexuality? For the issue of the online magazine “yì” focusing on “Pornography and Society,” Silvan Hagenbrock, online editor at the Goethe-Institut China, spoke with Beata about her work and vision.
Watch the video here.

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