THE PILLOW BLOG

 

Beate Absalon Beate Absalon

Calling a Sex-Positive Community, Group, or Event a “Family”—and Why It’s a Red Flag—New Zine by Beata

Over the many years we've been visiting or being part of various sex-positive communities, there's been one word that has made our whole bodies cringe and feel alarmed. It's "family." Fa-mi-ly. It’s supposed to sound nice, right? It gives a comforting sense of community. It’s just a harmless way to spread good vibes. To foster camaraderie. To let you know: You’re welcome here! You’re one of us! Gooblegubble—one of us!…

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Beate Absalon Beate Absalon

How exactly do you even play in so-called sex-positive spaces, and is it really just about sex, or is it actually about something else too—but what do you call that?

While walking with a friend, we talk about my perception and experience of the so-called sex-positive spaces - out of her open curiosity, as she has not yet experienced these spaces first-hand. I start by describing a bit of the 'infrastructure': how it all started for me in the first place, how I first stumbled into a workshop by chance at a dance school where ropes and floggers were also used, how I then met Schwelle7 and Matís, whom I told about writing my master's thesis on Shibari and who then recruited me as an assistant for a bondage course in no time at all. Finally, the more difficult part, trying to describe what interests me about the rooms in the first place. I mention the classics that many people in the "scene" report about. How liberating it is to let people...

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