THE PILLOW BLOG

 

Cookie Consent
Beate Absalon Beate Absalon

Cookie Consent

Hey everyone! We’re all working hard to foster a culture of consent by reminding ourselves—in workshops and beyond—that we shouldn’t take physical affection for granted; that we shouldn’t just assume what the other person wants; that we should respect personal boundaries and support one another in discovering, through self-determination and collaborative processes, what naughty things we’d like to get up to together; that we can truly let go and surrender especially when we create safe spaces of trust; that a “no” isn’t a drama but a valuable guide for navigating the love zone, and so on and so forth. This is all a massive project—indeed, a humanistic educational project, if you will—because there is much more at stake here than merely securing oneself legally, contractually speaking, when becoming intimate with someone in order to arm oneself against accusations of assault. Rather, this is about deconstructing paternalistic structures and forging new relationships with oneself and the world! It’s about learning to respect oneself, to respect others…

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An Eclectic Essay on (In)security (work in progress)
Beate Absalon Beate Absalon

An Eclectic Essay on (In)security (work in progress)

risk, safety, conflict, consent—what drives sex-positive communities usually has something to do with these key concepts. It’s complicated. Uncertainty isn’t bad per se, and safety isn’t good per se—and vice versa. From my personal experience, I’ve found spaces that strongly emphasize consent to be both empowering and enriching, as well as restrictive, school-like, or tamed—and thus simply boring—or failing to do justice to situations that are fundamentally ambivalent gray areas. Sometimes these spaces led to frustration when the very people to whom I could fully open up because of their trusting nature would always backtrack on safety just when things got interesting, so as not to cross “my” boundaries…

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