Deguiltification – An Experiential Essay by Chris Ifso

Beata and Matís run luhmen d’arc, a company founded in Berlin that creates “spaces dedicated to the manifold aspects of intimacy and desire.” In September 2019, the duo participated in Schmiede, a 10-day maker festival held at the Old Salt Works in Hallein, Austria, which brought together over 100 artists, musicians, digital creators, and writers—including me. Beata is also an academic; her PhD topic is The Art of Sex Education: Contemporary Aesthetics As Idiosyncratic Interventions in Hegemonic Sexual Discourses. As part of her research, luhmen d’arc was there to interview a range of participants about attitudes toward sexuality. Interviewees were also offered an introductory bodywork session. A mattress sits in one corner of this large barn-like wooden studio, behind a flimsy curtain hung on a rope between pillars. I take off my shoes, lie face down, and close my eyes. Beata and Matís proceed to give me a massage that is by turns tender, arousing, rough, funny, and relaxing. I am fully clothed and they are gentle, but crucially, there is no rule against getting turned on. To prove this, vibrators, rope, and masks are scattered around the space for those who wish to experiment further. I purr, laugh, wriggle, and groan as I’m cradled, gently pummelled, and stroked. I open my eyes; they turn on the tape recorder and ask me what the session brought up for me. There I am, a 63-year-old man, relaxed and glowing, lounging next to a young man and woman I like and trust, with whom there is absolutely no reason to feel inhibited. I am among friendly strangers…